I am going to assume that this was a test post to figure out how to post a static item here on Writing.com. I really am hoping that this is a gag piece, but either way, it is unique, to say the very least. Maybe you could have tried to spell dog out in ASCII or something to liven up the post a bit.
Thank you for sharing your work here on Writing.com. I enjoyed reading this poem. There is one rhyme in the next to last stanza that feels a bit forced ("rich" and "switch"), but the topic of the piece made it a great read for me. It reminded me of my Uncle Ed, who did not want to achieve great things as your main character did here, but he lived a simple life, doing remarkable things every day that to him were done simply out of the goodness of his heart. He was a surgeon post-WWII, and a fighter pilot during the war, so he combined those two skills together and became a "flying sawbones." He would get in his plane and fly to remote areas and prefer surgeries there if he had to--anything to heal the sick. We had to do his memorial and funeral in two separate shifts because there were too many people to get into the church or at the graveside.
I really enjoyed reading this piece. It was comedic, although I fully expected it to be romantic or erotic from the first couple of paragraph. This guy picked this girl up expecting to get lucky, instead he got a pretty good fright. We never see the ex, but with the way he was beating on the door, even I would have seen him as a huge, hulking man. I did have a little confusion, though. I don't know if Virginia was lying to our narrator, and then he relayed the lie to us, the readers, but in the beginning, the narrator said that Virginia said her parents weren't home that night, and then she is suddenly married and recently separated. Is she at her parents house, or is she at her own house, having recently kicked out her husband? Or is everything she saying a lie? A bit of clarification in the story could be helpful.
I really enjoyed reading this piece. I loved the way you drew upon the little things that make up love--the smiles, the laughing together, the nearness that you come to expect in the day-to-day life, and even the grumbling and complaining that one does when they have to constantly clean up after the other. I've been at it for thirteen years now, and there are good times and bad times, but it's the littlest things that make it all worthwhile.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 10:36am on Nov 20, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "