Wonderful piece, brimming with emotion and hurt. There are some really good lines in here.
I think that you may want to break it up a little though, (I hardly ever change my works) and I know you probably really did want this to flow all together in a big sad emotional angry work, but none of the sentences are capatilized at all, and though thats alright, sometimes it becomes hard to read with no breaks or new stanzas! All in all though a very good piece, oh and the second last line seems a little off beat, you may want to change it a little. Just a suggestion though it really doesnt hurt the piece overall.
Great work!
If your looking to get read more, here are some suggestions, though I'm relatively new to this site, I am on others so here's what you can do.
-Post your works on all kind of contests, found in the forums. Its a good way to get honest reviews from the people that put on the contests, and the people who read them.
-Do something to get noticed, I usually attach a small amount of gift points to my works, though you dont have to. Just the little red writing under your title catches the eye! It can be a small amount if you dont have many points, like 100 or even 50. And people sometimes give them back if they enjoy your work!
-Also there are many review forums in the forums where you can submit your writing to get reviewed! Including newbie reviews, which I also post on! Just make sure you read all the rules for the contests and other review forums.
Wonderful! I try to at least submit five honest reviews everytime I log on, but it was getting tedious sifting through mediocre work... this was exceptionally refreshing! To me, and I could be wrong, but this seems like you are commenting on current events? War? Either way it was excellent to read and was thoroughly enjoyable!
This is really good, you have a few to many spelling errors that need to be corrected, kind of trips a person up as they try to read through. Other than the scene is painted really well, Good job!
Its late so I'm not going to write as much as I would like the only thing I can see after my second quick look is that maybe the third last line should be changed to "With the reaper peeping" taking out the now, I think it would make it flow with the rest of the stanza much better, Excellent job though!
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