What a gem! Not only do you follow the prompt and keep to the word count, you say it all with sleekly pared down description. I love that you do not explain too much, you let the reader imagine the man's anxiety and maddening solitude. And the ending is right on. Well done!
Nice work. What an imagination you've got.! It reads almost like the start of a book, or a much longer story. Have you thought of expanding it? William Faulkner started "The Bear" as a short story, and it wound up as much more. I think you've got all the potential for that here. My only suggestion would be to strip down your word usage a bit, show more than tell. For example, have him reply to the voice in dialogue, not in description? Just a suggestion. Overall I think it's a strong piece and has opened up so many possibilities that the story does not seem finished. Keep going, it's great!
Okay, you got my attention. This is a very well written piece, builds the suspense, misleads the reader delightfully, and it scared the sh*t out of me. Well done! It is a classic short story - no mean feat - complete in itself. I think you have a helluva bright future as a writer!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/janeyb
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 6:45am on Jan 09, 2025 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
