Good story, up to the last scene. I was totally wrapped in the story, when it stopped dead.
Overall, the dialogue was natural, the pace lively, descriptions short, but effective. Some details, like when Missy worked on the costume, grew a little lengthy and slowed the pace - a bit.
I hope you can work up a more effective ending and submit to a young teen magazine. Keep Writing! Janet
Beautiful story of that lasting love everyone dreams of sharing with their soulmate, related as though the author has lived it! I was entranced throughout the entire story, anxious to read the next event.
I noticed a lot of spelling errors, mostly near the end of the story! Did you rush into posting for a deadline and fail to use your spellchecker? What a shame to mar a beautiful story with that carelessness!
I hoe you dress this story out, check for errors in spelling and noun/verb/object agreement, and submit it to a seniors or health (alzheimer related) magazine. It's an excellent candidate to be published.
Best wishes for your success. Keep Writing! Janet
A lovely story of a sad situation, Iris. It's odd how our memories look back and see the good times with our parents; how we agonize over the conditions of their old minds; and how we worry over them as their bodies grow feeble. At lease you have the good memories to hold forever. Hold on tight!
A nice story, with a happy conclusion; however, the switches from past participle to past to present tense is distracting. Perhaps you could change to plain past tense for the whole story for a smoother flow.
Interesting, nice story, Aurelio. You entered deep into the emotions of your characters and faced them with truth and honor. Well done.
You sparked interest in the outcome to keep the reader's attention to the end. The ending fit tightly with the story to form a seamless conclusion and a promise for new beginning in the characters lives.
You built suspense in this piece to the final crescendo - excellent work.
I had some difficulty keeping the names in the courtroom straight (i.e. separating the bad from the good guys). But it was resolved in the end with the strong emergence of Mr. Forester.
Best wishes for your successful career; Keep Writing! Janet
Well-written story of young girls, on the brink of womanhood, challenging society's norms. The story flows smoothly; well-paced action keeps readers interested to the end; and the final paragraph summarizes the point in a vivid description of victory and unity.
Good work. I hope you have this published; it's well worth the read. Keep Writing! Janet
Thank you for the GPs. I firmly believe in reviews, good or bad, as long as the writer intends to help others. In my mind, reviews, feedback, critiques (or whatever term one applies) are the best way to learn.
Keep up the good work to promote good writing from good writers. Keep Writing! Janet
A well written story with a good flow of informational details that make sense. I could feel myself present in the conference room and aboard the spaceship.
I had to draw the line at the last scene; although you carried the details through to the end very well, I didn't relate to the birthing scene. But, I'm not a sci-fi fan, either.
As a reader, the story flow was good from beginning to end. Good Job; Keep Writing! Janet
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