I think this brief story successfully conveys a strong emotional impact with well chosen words that also manage to, sentence by sentence, lift the veil on what is taking place. I like it, because despite the personal tragedy, the final message is heart-warming. My only reservation is about the omission of some of the articles, such as "bouncing off hood" instead of "bouncing off the hood", or "Smile lit" rather than "A smile lit". I wasn't sure if those omissions were due to trying to get your story within the word limit or rather part of your literary technique to make each sentence strike to the very essence of the message. Nevertheless, if that detracts from the story, it is only in a very minor way.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jalan
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 7:43am on Dec 31, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
