A good story that held my attention. What a great first paragraph and then I particular enjoyed the idea of clothing being parasitic and at first expected that this was to be developed into some kind of supernatural tale. This introduction was so good that you set the bar very high, but for the most part the it was attained.
Everybody seems unpleasant in the story. Is this because they are seen through the eyes of the psychopathic narrator? In the end the horror is lessened by this because the reader has the impression that the sales lady got what she deserved.
On occasion I felt that the sentences were a little short and found myself ignoring fullstops, but maybe this is just because I tend to get wordy. I believe that in places the rhythm needs to be smoothed out.
I had fun reading your work
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jakez
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 1:37am on Nov 27, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
