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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/jaded-stars
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17 Public Reviews Given
17 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Aeralyn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I don't know if you meant to do this but there are a lot of รข scattered throughout your work. Also, The title and what I'm assuming is your last name is repeated every time you started a new page. I don't know if this was done on purpose but it's rather distracting. Another thing is the sentences seem a bit stilted, of course that could be because it's supposed to be a children's book but I feel that it affects the flow. It seemed to get better near the end. That's all from me, good job and keep writing. :)
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Review of Starting Over  Open in new Window.
Review by Aeralyn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (3.5)
One must always start a new paragraph when someone speaks. I believe that will help as I find this story a bit dense. It's hard to read because the chunks are so big.
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Review by Aeralyn Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Wow, that was truly awe-inspiring. The dialogue seemed to flow naturally. I love the characters. I especially liked how you portrayed Alyssa's feelings. Good spelling and grammar. I think this story stood out for me more then others would have because a similar experience happened to me. Except my Dad lived and I am forever grateful for it. Overall I think you have a awesome story.
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Review of memories  Open in new Window.
Review by Aeralyn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Overall I think its very good but it would be a lot easier to read if you put spaces between the paragraphs.
5
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Review of the truth  Open in new Window.
Review by Aeralyn Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love this because it's so true. Sometimes I feel like thats what I do everyday. One way to improve this is to put capitals where capitals are needed. For example on wake would be a good place
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