Hello my name is levi and i just stopped by for to drop a friendly review!!!
Great representation of what our lives or now. The whole being stuck at home thing has become our normal life now. Our daily routine is even more boring then it already was. Its a nice little piece you have here i hope you continue to write on here and i see more of your work later on!!!
Hello my name is levi and i just stopped by for to drop a friendly review!!!
I love how you described everything from our cars to the rain and dew!! overall a very well built poem. i've written very little poetry but i do enjoy a good read every now and then and it sure was an enjoyable one.
~ Master Iveltac Of Tyrell is here to burn down and devour your portfolio. Maybe even burn down a few books.
I'm here on behalf of Tyrell and GoT to review your piece of writing. I hope this review is useful to you.
Ok so line count is only 60. Whats up with that lol. I'm joking that a pretty big piece of poetry. Or is this even poetry? Actualy yes it is.
Also the title
Thinking is Bad
What do you mean? Thinking can be both bad and good. But thats not what I'm here to discuss. What got me mixed up was the information you gave about the poem.
A look at how the society destroys those who abandon thought.
That doesnt even make since. The title and the discription dont match. They dont make sense together.
And now it's time to fall in love and marry,
because money is what buys love, isn't it?
His dreams of greatness are no longer merry.
What’s more important than to baby-sit?
Nicely written though.
I love the way you wrote it all down. I like to challenge what people write. Get them to think from the eye of the reader.
Hope this was helpful.
For Tyrell
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When worldly cares bear down on me
Overcoming them makes me free
To raise up another bruised and sore
Is now my task. Open the door.
Hello again. This is Iveltac Master of Tyrell. Permission to board and destroy ever living thing you have on your portfolio was granted to me by game of thrones and House Tyrell.
Let the reviewing begin.
Ok so first. The first half of the story was about birds flying south and whisky I guess. Lol Im not sure what you are trying to say there.
Also when you said
Whisky shot held in my mouth
I would say switch to something like.
The whisky shot held to my mouth
To my mouth makes more sense then in my mouth. Unless you are letting the whiskey settle in your mouth. Which im not sure which you are talking about. I have never drank a sip and don’t plan to in the future.
The world is a crazy place. And the news and the tv and the iphones. Everything is negative any more. Negative this and negative that. And then you have people talking about negative stuff with negative attitudes all over the world.
Well I hope this review was useful.
May the Gods of Game of Thrones shine down upon you.
House Tyrell
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Gingerbread, gingerbread
Gumdrop and candy cane lampposts
Yogurt-dipped pretzel sticks
This house is such fun to make.
Hello I’m Iveltac Master of tyrell. Today I am here to devour your portfolio and spit lava on it and maybe shoot a few arrow in the pages of your books.
I am here on behalf of Game of Thrones and House Tyrell.
I hope this review Is helpful.
Sounds like a yummy dish to eat. If you had a house made like that I would eat it up. Lol you could never get on WDC again without a house to put your writings and computer in.
Gingerbread. Wouldn’t your house mold if it rained. lol you should make make a poem or a story. The fate or councicouncious of having a house made out of gingerbread. That would be a ridicoulous story or poem. My word sorry if I have spelled a few things wrong.
When you say to the tone of silver bells. You mean sing the verse while you listen to the song silver bells? Just thought I would get that cleared up.
I hope this review was helpful. If not please feel free to notify me and correct my mistakes. Like review my review. that would be amazing.
~ Master Iveltac Of Tyrell is here to burn down and devour your portfolio. Maybe even burn down a few books.
I'm here on behalf of Tyrell and GoT to review you piece of writing. I hope this review is useful to you.
Hello again qpdoll.
As i've ran around WDC reviewing I've noticed how many people do writers cramp. its pretty amazing to see the whole community does 1 activity. Or that we all have something in common. Obviously we write.
is this considered a story or a piece of poetry?
I would probialy tag it as poetry. Becuase all the rhymning reminds me of the poetry i write. But then if you read shake spears works you see him rhymning a ton of random words in his books. They all make sense in some weird way.
i love the last little bit you wrote
It lets us know that
we are loved
and we simply gain
Ok can i give a suggestion? I would suggest capitilizing the beginning letter of each sentence. It would make it more pretty or buitiful.
But it is a very touching poem or story and i appreciated reading it very much.
~ Master Iveltac Of Tyrell is here to burn down and devour your portfolio. Maybe even burn down a few books.
I'm here on behalf of Tyrell and GoT to review you piece of writing. I hope this review is useful to you.
Well qpdoll or eager2 write very intresting. I find it kind of hard to write in 3rd person honestly. Its deffinatnly fun but rather hard for me. I've written everything in 1at person so to switch to something completely different its pretty hard.
third person imneciant. Sounds intresting though. Probialy spelled that wrong though. lol tricky words.
So your doing this for the acadamy on WDC? High horizons. I've thought about it. Are the teachers good?
The epxplenation you wrote for third person mod was quite enjoyable to read. Third person is fun to read and write but a pain to write.
reading it kind of makes you feel like you are the main character. Like i'm taking this class where i have to write a third person book about this guy. But the whole time its like its about me. its ridiculously fun.
Hello whisker fave rereading. What are you rereading. I'm Iveltac Master of Tyrell. Today i will be burning your Portfolio down. Just a couple pieces actually. Hope this review is useful.
Hasta La visa baby. Is that like spanish for good bye baby my love or something? jk i'm just messing with you. In a way this poem is sad. Saying goodbye to the one he/she used to love. Breaking each others hearts and then stomping away from each other to never see a hair or head of them again.
I'm pretty sure i just made that more emotional then it was supposed to be im not sure.
So it was based on something arnold swarthzinager said in the terminater 2. Intresting. He did play alot of strange parts. I cant remember if he played rambo or if that was stalone. I cant remember. Been forever since i watched it.
Ok so i dont quite understand why you made Hasta lavista baby bold every time you said it. I would have just changed the font when you said it instead of using bold. But we are all mortal so we have out own way of writing.
Hello warrior Shannon of Writing dot thingy majig com.
I'm iveltac Master of Tyrell. ruler of the seven seas and leader of the throne of whatever over you call writing dot com. Today i have chosen to take control of your portfolio and burn it to the ground with my flaming archers. Well actualy archers with flaming arrows not flaming archers. You get it though right?
KK yes same intro. I do that. A different intro per person not item.
Ok so i;'m guessing that Veri is the company? Is it like a Veri funny pun? AHAHAHA ( see what i did there?) Ok well back to the main reason i'm here.
FDA-approved human-implantable microchip,
Ok thats intresting. Very intresting. Now we have approved Human Implanteable Microchips. WEll i guess i learn something new/crazy/akward every day. What would u use them for? Like in the movies where they take over the world by putting micro chips in their heads? lolz. Now i got you brain storming.
Well i hope this review helped you out some. I didnt talk much about the story but it was a good article. Very well written. Well WRITE ON
Hello warrior Shannon of Writing dot thingy majig com.
I'm iveltac Master of Tyrell. ruler of the seven seas and leader of the throne of whatever over you call writing dot com. Today i have chosen to take control of your portfolio and burn it to the ground with my flaming archers. Well actualy archers with flaming arrows not flaming archers. You get it though right?
Ok so when i first read the title i thought it could be either about a christmas gift or something like you see in the movies. Where they plant a bomb in the mail box and then when the old lady goes for the mail...... BLOOOEEEE You get the point.
But i'm sure you arent trying to blow up your grandma.
oh kk read it wrong lol its a package FROM grandma. I thought it said a package for grandma. like an assasin thing lolz. My imagination runs wild.
Very well built story. Nicely written.
For sometimes it’s the little things that have the most affect
best line ever. Its true. Even the smallest things or littlest acts of kindness.
Or from a movie which everyone hates.
"An act of true love can thaw a frozen heart.
Hope this review helped you any. Mostly i dont review just converse.
Hello again shelly sunshine. Its nice to run around your portfolio and raid and blow stuff up for while. Its always nice to get out into a new portfolio and discover what secrets it has to find. You write buitifull poetry. I like your style although i dont understand it all. You word things a little weird so one's small mind can not grasp all that your saying. Its just how you like to say things. They dont make very much sense.
2/29/8
is that the date you wrote it on or the date of an event you wrote this poem in dedication of? Just wondering. I love to ask lots and lots of questions.
Finding my strength to understand him
Be patient and kind
Before I lose my mind
Is this saying that you love him but you dont understand i? Like a love without love, Its both weird and complicated when i say that lol. Well i hope this review was a whole lot of heaping arrows of help for you. If there is anything you need reviewed let me know when i'm not busy.
Hope this review was helpfull also please keep in eye that this is a review and that you should not take it wrong in any way. Thanks alot
Hello Shelly Sunshine.
My name is Iveltac master of Tyrell. And today i'm here to bombard your portfolio with reviews of burning oils. To utterly destroy your portfolio and all that lives inside it.
The title is very simple. Breathe. Everyone needs to breathe its the source of living. ocigyn is like oil in a gas can and then feeding an elextronic oil is like giving it air or breathe.
Rhymning
You rhymned very well. It all flowed together making the poem a nice to read piece of poetry. I enjoyed reading it very much.
I overall loved the story very much.
The last part
I am worried, where do I go
What can I do, when you are out of control?
I need to breathe and think
I want to help you
Your anger
Is scaring me.
Thats a very nice part of the story.
Your anger is scaring me.
People all around the world hate to see their loved ones go down the road of anger or smoking or drinking.
So your name is Michelle Klear? Thats a intresting name. Have you wrote any novels? Or any books of poetry? Cuase those would be intresting to look at.
Hello again Pico
Its iveltac master of tyrell again to devourer your port with arrows and to rain down a bloody hail storm upon your prtfolio. Maybe commit mutiny and maybe destroy a couple things. Cuase this is a raid. So i dont get it. This is a true story and you decided to write about it in Flash Fiction? or was it made up for flash fiction? Just wondering how you came up with the story. Either a real event or something thought up of in your head.
The story is pretty sad. So how many mail boxes on the block were assassined? or taken out? like all of them cuase that would most likely be alot. So the new snow plough driver had no respect for you mail box. That is sad. But yeah it stumps me what they would be doing ploughing your ditch. Beats me. Why would they say it was your fualt? out of pure stubborness or what? were they the cranky type of officials? What reasons did they say why it was your fault? Did you make a case? Lol the next thing i write is a joke
Hello pico.
I'm iveltac from House Tyrell. I'm also the master of tyrell which so far has been a pain in the rear end. I thought doing some reviews might calm me down.
Please realize i'm just reviewing your piece. Anything i say can be taking many ways. If you like my review that would make me happy. For now lets move onto the reivew.
Ok so pico's guest book. I see you havent had many visitor for the last umm say four or five years. Thats alot of years. I'm guessing you are not inactive for your portfolio says you were just on the other day. To be exact 2 days ago.
A guest book is something everyone new needs. It is a good way for the community to appreciate the newbies coming into WDC. I see this was made along time ago. Meaning about the time you came a member right? Or am i wrong? Guests books are an important part of the community. Its a good place for people to just stop by and get away from writing and say hi.
Hi pico Traino
is that your real name.
Good job on your guest book and i hope you get lots of visitors.
Hello Jerry Powell. Or i guess thats you name. Or are you not the writer of this story?
Ok to start it off the beginning was a little dissapointing.
The mist attacks anew this morning
I found that disstaste full.
Try something like
The mist rose up and attacked (The place you story takes place in or at) this morning.
Ok for the next sentence you might consider switching Bursting for Crying or
My brethren Burst out in agony, but were soon sushed.
Plague Bringers. Intresting. I didnt like the beginning of the story but this made since to a little bit.
Ok do you think when he started the sentence with We have no knowledge
You should say that he is thinking or talking
If this seer's tales was designed by a generation long past dont you think you should explain it maybe how or where she/he got these ideas. Also what gender is the Seer?
What do you mean by a hidden cry?
Somone hiding while yelling it or yelling it while breathing hard or what?
LOL how is this even scifi though? it should be titled comedy. Good story though other then the fualts i already told you about.
Hello there this is Iveltac Master of Tyrell. I am very ecited to be able to review this chapter of your story today.
Ok first off
His own eyes glowed brighter than any gems that sorrounded him,
Here is what i would suggest
His eyes gleamed brighter than any jewels, including the ones that were scattered around him in his cave.
, the one thing he knew that mattered moe than anything else at this time.
Switch to
the one thing he knew mattered more than anything else.
Switch
Which was why it had to be important for him to want outsiders to come
To
Which was why it was important fo him to allow outsiders to come.
Switch
Not on the island these outsidersthought
TO
Not on the island these outsiders thought
Switch
He would see her in her dreams soon
To
She would see him in her dreams soon
Overall it was kind of strange. It wasnt a bad story but you need to fix all of the grammer issues. I know i probialy missed some so it might help if you were to go through them youself and maybe patch them up a bit. Also you might explain stuff a little better. Like the last thing i called a error. It could very well not be an error. You could have had it like he was saying he would be visiting her dreams so she would be seeing him soon. Its just the way you explained it was diffecualt to fully grasp. You readers will probialy get confused and its only the very first chapter. I have no idea how the other chapters are going to be like but i might get to them later. Also it being the first chapter you might want to explain the island a little bit moe. And maybe more histoy. For the first chapter it was pretty short. Or was it just supposed to be the introduction to the book? It seemed like it could very well be the introduction but i could be wong. WEll tata for now. Hope this review helped any. WRITE ON
Iveltac Of house Tyrell
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I'm guessing you love your animals. We have 3 dogs and 2 cats. They are such a part of the family. We have one cat that is super lazy so he lays on your lap all day. Nice poem to capture all your animals in though. It is truly true that animals are such a large part of your family.
Winter is coming Winter is coming. So true. It seems like the years go by super fast. Bringing season after season like a tv show. Its hard to just sit back and grasp the seasons. You did a good job at it though. My favorite line would have to be
"Tasty pumpkin pies."
Hey also just an idea. You might want to capitalize Autumn abd Winter and maybe the first letters in each line. It might present it better.
Is this even considered poetry?
I dont even think it is long enough to be considered poetry. But i could be wrong. Looks more like a random note you scribbled down and put it on here. Its not bad though. I love spring too and yes the air does smell good. Nice cover to match the poem. I was shocked all together to find it was only 13 words. Thats pretty short.
WRITE ON
Hello Amay
Nice piece of Poetry by the way. You did a good job writing this. I liked the plot line though. I'm a christian so i do beleive that "That’s in the universe created by God."
I love how you used the XXXXXX in there. In a way it was creative and intresting to see.
I'm here to review your peice as a simply positive review and an anniversary review.
This is one of my favorite contests here on writing dot com. I love the creativity you used to create this contest. I know I'm not the only WDCer that loves this contest. People look foward to the next round and they even get on here just to sign up for this. I did this challenge a bit ago and it inspired me to start reviewing again. I know you spend quite a bit of time reading all the entrys and coming up with the challenges but i think this contest is worth your time!
Keep up the good work and write on.
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I'm here to review your peice as a simply positive review and an anniversary review.
Another great idea by the great KIya. I love how you created a whole page just for memorial for those who died on WDC. Its sad though when someone you know dies even if they are just an online friend they are still a friend. I see you added Sherri. She was a nice WDCer.
This page almost made me cry.
Keep up the good work and write on.
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I'm here to review your peice as a simply positive review and an anniversary review.
You have a very good group going on here. I love how you and your group is named the angel army. It adds a bit more flavor to it when you come to think about it. After all the group is supposed to be about spreading joy and love and what a perfect name to do so with.
Your group has done some good reviews. I am pretty sure you guys do more then just reviews and i think that is a great mix to just plain old review groups.
Keep up the good work and write on.
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Ok this was a very intresting piece. I loved how you put it together though. I like it when you do fiction.
I found that the way you described the walk through the garden was very nicely done. I havent ever done it like that but thats becuase ive never had enough experience to do it like that. DOing it like you did takes skills to discribe everything with great detail.
If you ever need anything else reviewed just hollar.
Also im thinking of going into a review business so ill be happy to review anything good for experience.
Also could you please tell me what you thought of the review from a 1 to 10 scale?
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~ Master Iveltac Of Tyrell is here to burn down and devour your portfolio. Maybe even burn down a few books.
That would be a ridicoulous story or poem. My word sorry if I have spelled a few things wrong.
that would be amazing.
