A fantastic poem, it flows wonderfully well. There is something off about the second two lines of the first stanza that I can not quite put my finger on.
The poem flows beautifully which although it seems ironic is hard to do with the stream of consciousness style. I would perhaps change some words you use peacch twice there are better words for describing skin colour, but its not that much an issue. Good poem well done.
This is a beautifully brutal poem its straight to the point. I love the use of antipathetical pairings a technique which Keats was fond of. Overall the poem has a very blood sweat toil and tears feel which I am absolutely here for.
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