This feels like a breakup apology when to people don't want to actually break up. It makes me want to cry a little bit. I love how you use "central muscle' instead of heart, that is very unique and not cliche! great job.
Oooo. Im liking the flow if this.
It blends quickly from desperation to be seen, (quite possibly to be love) to. I realize im better than you think.
I like the use of the word pretentious here. It shows the author is sophisticated.
The ending makes me wonder why they felt they owed someone themself when thst wasnt being given.
This is deep. Very self aware to know you're being used and choosingn to stay and feud despite wanting and needing to be done. Wanting to be but everything knowing you were their nothing.
Brovo. Very well written
ooo. I love how commanding this poem is. A serman, a native song and dance to bring the tempest!!
The power. I can hear the the thunder and see the lightning streak the sky and like the dark storm.
Ooooo yes.. its so romantic. Is it ok that driving to work on an about to storm day is romantic?
I love the description of the greens against the grey.
And how orange turns to rust.
How crushing. It’s starts so light and lovely like the first flicker of youthful love. Then crashes like waves of a hurricane. So beautifully tragically written
I love the imagery that you use to describe the cycle of life as a war.
The only suggestion I have for you is that if you are going to use the ellipses in the second stanza, take out the fourth period. The fourth in grammar means you aren't going to finish the thought. Continuing after makes the piece look jumbled. At the end of the piece if you want to leave it so the reader is guessing, just leave it at the fourth, the fifth period just seems excessive.
I do love the ending. It is so very encouraging and leaves the reader on a positive note.
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