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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/iambear
Review Requests: OFF
66 Public Reviews Given
66 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I will give an honest opinion of how I feel about the story and what I think works and doesn't work. I'll remark on everything good that I see and I'll try to find at least one or two things the author can improve on.
I'm good at...
Providing reviews that are positive. I like great descriptions of scenes and characters.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy and science fiction. Also, action/adventure.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, erotica.
Favorite Item Types
Short stories, chapters, and poems.
Least Favorite Item Types
I'm open to any of the item types, i.e. chapters, short stories, poems.
I will not review...
I don't particularly enjoy bad language or anything that is too graphic. Not fond of anything that is above a 13 rating.
Public Reviews
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Review of Enemies  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love how short but impactful your poem is. I got this sense of what the person is feeling. How true it is that we are sometimes our own worst enemy in how we see ourselves or how our actions hinder ourselves.

I haven't had a lot of experience knowing what to look for when reviewing poems, but your poem seemed to flow very well when I read it to myself. Thanks for sharing it!
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Review of Zero Hour  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I decided to do a random review today and I came across your story. I thought it was a very good story filled with fun and emotion. I especially liked how the relationship between the main character and Juliet developed. The part in the movie theater during the horror film was a good lighthearted scene. I also liked that the time machine was only useful to her after she had Juliet in her life. I enjoy stories that have a range and depth of emotions and yours accomplished that. Thanks for sharing it!
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Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
I came across your chapter doing a random review. The plot of a spirit deciding to go into a host to exist as a human is intriguing. You captured my interests and kept it to the end. There are questions and hooks that definitely keeps me wanting more, like why is the spirit drawn to the settlement, is he going to find out more about who or what he is, and what will happen when he tries to join with the human he thinks he'd look so much like if he were one? One of my favorite parts was when you described time going to a stop. It described the surroundings, made me feel that I was there, and added a sort of anticipation.
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Review of Every year  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love ducks so I couldn't resist reviewing your poem. I can just see them as you describe what they are doing. I like your comment about your grass being the best restaurant in town. That gave me a laugh. It's such a happy and pleasant poem. I makes me wish I was there. Thanks for sharing it!
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Review of Imaginary Friend  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
You definitely created mystery and suspense in your short with this Theo character. I like the progression of how innocent he seemed to be at first, to the doubts and suspicion of things being not quite right, to full on terror at the end. I like stories that build like that until you're holding on the edge of your seat. I think your story did this very well.

Your character Katie was done really well. I got a sense of her fears and other feelings that she had as she got used to her new surroundings. I also liked her relationship with Nana. The shy, frightened kid went well with Nana's supporting, comforting persona.
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Review of Writing prompt #1  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This was a very heartfelt short story about a widow and her dog. I like how you described the dog's features, giving me a good picture of what he looked like. I enjoyed the parts where you put how they met, and what happened to her and her husband. If you wanted to go into these events a little further, I think it would add a lot to the story, but it's also okay how it is if you don't feel the need to. I like how you reflected on both the benefits of the companionship and how sad she felt. There are lots of emotions and sides of loosing someone, animals included.
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Review of Memories  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I couldn't resist reading a poem about the memories of a dog that passed away. I had a dog that I was very attached to as a kid that passed when I was living away from home. He loved retrieving balls too.

I liked how you described your dog's features in the third stanza as you mentioned the things you missed. I liked the little bits of humor, with names like princess or spiderman. I can tell from the words how much the dog meant to you, as a big part of your life.

Just a couple nit picking typos:

It think on "long pink tough", you mean to say "tongue".
3 legs? What happened to the other leg?
On "I had not know", I think you mean to say "known".
"until you can", I think should be "came".
"I thought I was", perhaps should be "it was".
Most doesn't need to be capitalized.
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Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is pretty clever. My wife is a teacher and I can totally see this happening to her. I love the give a mouse a cookie books and this fits well for a teacher. It seems that a teacher goes so many different ways during the day. They have lots of stuff to do and so many things that solicit their attention. I have great admiration for teachers and the way they do so much to teach our kids!
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Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
At first I thought this was going to be about a battle with cancer. It turns out it is a little more scary than that. He's fighting for his life on both fronts, but his mind is on surviving the living dead. I like how this turns out to be a conversation with somebody. He's gotten past the fact he's got cancer and is recruiting someone's help, banding together against the greater threat.
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Review of The Passage  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I like how your first paragraph explains what the rest of the story will be about. The trip you went on made a great impact on your life and your relationship with your dad. I thought it was cool that you bonded over your interests in the sights you saw and his knowledge of the history. I think it's wonderful that it helped shape the relationship with your son. It's great to get so much out of a trip. It is these experiences that mean so much to us in life and it is great to reflect on them.
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Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I thought this was a cool story. The forest and ghosts gave me goose bumps. I liked how the girl he hears and the ghost of the Samurai he sees is a mystery to him until the elder tells the tale. The mystery of it made me want to keep reading to find out more.

I also thought it was cool that his path led him to what he needed to start a new life, like his discovery of the root and being taken to the village where he is welcomed.

Your glossary at the end was helpful. A word I wasn't familiar with, that maybe you could add to the glossary is Daimyo.
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Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
I'm very fond of dogs so I really liked your main character. His loyalty to the Great Dio and to his current mission is very typical of that species. I liked how you described the scenery as he journeyed. It made me feel like I have there with him. I find myself wanting read further chapters to get to know more about this character and also the cat he frees. Good job!
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Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I thought your description of the portal was great. I could imagine it really well.

I liked the new characters you introduced in this chapter. It is good to start seeing more characters as we get to see more of the world you've created.

My favorite part is when George tells Celia to try not to break anything over Tallen's head because the Headmistress asked them to cut back on expenses.

I also liked the imagery of "a kaleidoscope of white" when John bumps into the mage sending the papers up in the air.

One thing I noticed is that you use the word "eyed" or "eyeing" a lot. I suggest maybe using a different word in its place one or two times so that its not overused.

I enjoyed this chapter. It continues to move the story along.
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Review of Want some?  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
First of all, I love food, so this essay intrigued me right from the start! I liked how your essay progressed as you gave one great reason after another of how and why you made cooking food beneficial to you and your family, from connecting to other cultures around the world to nutrition. Your picture at the end was a nice touch! I assume you cooked that. If so, it looks absolutely amazing! Keep writing and keep cooking!
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Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
The poor guy is having a hard time sorting out his feelings for Celia. He's extremely attracted to her, but is frustrated with her brutal training tactics and her overall being a pain in the ass to him. I have great sympathy for him. I know I'd have a hard time if I were in his place during the bath scene.

I like the way John has to get used to his new powers. I thought the sword fights between him and Celia were awesome. My favorite part is after he impales her, she calls him a bastard, not for impaling her like I first thought, but for ruining her corset. She's just fine otherwise.

Celia has quite the temper when she's upset. It makes her an interesting character.

I'm eager to see if John is able to pass off as a Kalian or if everything goes totally wrong.
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Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I liked the hook at the beginning. I was wondering why he was being dragged as a prisoner and it kept me reading.

In the letter John receives, "You're friend told me of your problem...", I think the word "you're" is supposed to be "your".

My favorite thing so far is the chemistry between John and Celia. They both need the other for their own purpose and so have to tolerate each other. There's already some tension between them.

I found John's frustration with the forest amusing. The poor guy can't see a thing and the forest is out to get him. I love how he counts how many times he's tripped or hit a branch.

The encounter with the hellhounds was cool. The hellhound is a formidable enemy and I hope there are more encounters in later chapters.

Great first few chapters!
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Review of My Mississippi  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
This was a great article about Mississippi. I lived in Utah for most of my life and just recently Arizona. It was fun to learn about your state. There was a wide range of topics and interesting facts that kept me intrigued to the end. I enjoyed the history and trivia, but I especially liked the part where you went into the translation of southern language for the non-southern people like myself. I found it very amusing and I chuckled at many of them. Keep on writing!
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Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like how you took something as simple as an old man eating breakfast and made it interesting with metaphors. Comparing his knife skills to that of a surgeon helped me picture exactly how the man was cutting his food. I made me think that he was really savoring the meal. One day, perhaps, I'll have time to enjoy my breakfast like that!
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Review of The Disappearance  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
I love your descriptions of Nana's mansion. I can picture the place really well in my mind. I like knowing how Em is feeling during different parts of the story. Your description of the fairy Lilith was great. I would like to know a little more of what some of the other characters look like, especially Em and Nana. Their personalities are very well conveyed, but maybe go into what they wear, the color of their hair, etc. I love Em's relationship with Nana, by the way. That was very well done.

It took me a second to realize the Wayne is the father in chapter one when he drives into the Holiday Inn Express. Perhaps you can make that a little more clear at that point of the story.

I'm eager to know what happened to Em's family and what the Trickster has to do with it. I thought the dreams she was having helped to bring in some intrigue and suspense to the story. I liked how you portrayed Em's fear at the end of the chapter four and into chapter five.
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Review of ---  Open in new Window.
Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
My wife has anxiety and your poem describes what she often tells me how she feels and what I sometimes see in her. I like the way you portray the inner struggle going on behind the front of being "okay". I don't know much about poetry, but your poem seems to have a good flow to it.
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Review by Michael Stirland Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a fun read! I felt like I was with Poppy as she went around and visited all the places. I loved the way you could hear her thoughts and experience her jollity and playfulness. It made me smile.
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