Hi - I really enjoyed reading your story, Digital Wench. It was a new take on the old robot theme, which I liked.
It was technically sound.
You might be slightly passive saying, "said Andy as he checked his watch" and "Andy said smiling as his imagination left the room for a moment"
I prefer NOT using the "AS", and instead would have liked: "said Andy, checking his watch." In other words, be active in your prose.
You did use an old cliché in "the control-freak wife", and "staring into space", but that is minor. Personally, I enjoy more interesting comparisons nowadays, with more colorful and unique ideas.
I think your ideas were well presented though - I could see and understand what was happening without effort, on each line.
I am not exactly sure what your ending was getting at, but all in all I enjoyed the read. Thanks.
It is rather clever, really. I love the Shadow people idea. In the beginning, I was reminded of Stonehenge for some reason. I think it gothic enough, having been a little spooked by the whispers at the door :)
Although I am not sure "play" fit in for me, it certainly was a well thought-out poem, with just the right feel to it. A good work indeed.
I was moved by this, having lost love once or twice before. I love the progression from the breaking heart, to the crying, to finding some inner strength and finally being able to bestow forgiveness on the one who hurt you.
My favorite line is: "After all the hurt and pain you put me through, I still believe and have faith in you."
This is so typical of human nature. Great job!
I could hear your voice through this poem. Like all things personal, your personality shines through on this one. An overall feeling of "Live for The Moment" washed over me and the last line was perhaps the most poignant and I must admit it made me laugh a little. :)
Although this is not at all my style of poetry, I have enjoyed reading it and can appreciate its emotional content.
I cannot really comment on the technical aspects of the story, as you are a much better writer than I in that respect, but indeed the only thing that stood out is the Baghdad spelling error, but I suppose you know that already. I must say that this story is truly great. I admit that I was sceptical about how original a story such as this could be, after reading only a few lines, but I do stand corrected. The closing line is perfect as it reflected my mood after reading it. Fantastic work.
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