This is a sweet poem and I like that! (I've been reading a lot of somber, melancholy or downright angry poetry in the last couples on the site :) ).
I like how you started down the path of a conventional "sleeping beauty" and then took a sharp turn in the second stanza to when the "horrors" came back with you. And then you continued in the 3rd stanza. I like the progression.
A few suggestions:
1) You have a few misspellings. Psychological, tangible. These slow down the reader and pull them out of the cool world you brought them into so effectively. You should fix those up.
2) I would try adding question marks to the end of your stanzas. The subject is, after, asking questions. See how it looks and feels. You might like (or not).
3) The last stanza feels a little forced to me, at least the rhyme itself. I don't have any good idea on how to improve, but a nagging voice is telling me you might be able to find a better rhyme. I don't like pointing stuff out if I can't think of a better way to do it, but I'm stumped.
I hope this was useful.
It's a sweet poem (assuming the answers are "Yes!" to the questions, which I assume they are :) ).
I really like this line, repeated twice I believe:
>> It’s not a single trait, it’s your everything that’s you
It's a great line in and of itself and I like how it closes the poem.
You strike a nice, melancholy tone. It's a good balance between despair (despite the "deathly unkind" opening line) and ... melancholy :)
I suggest you play around with a few things:
1) Try adding a few commas where you want the reader to pause. Take this from the last stanza:
>> As I walk this earth completely lost in dream
>> Will there be a way to maybe see this through
>> I can’t contain myself I really want to scream
>> It’s not a single trait, it’s your everything that’s you
I feel like the 3rd line in that stanza should read:
>> I can contain myself [comma] I really want to scream
OTOH, if you're looking for the reader to kind of rush through that breathless, which is not a bad effect, then you've succeeded. (At least withi me :) )
2) Look for and correct punctuation mistakes. These are easy to fix. They are small things but they distract. For instance, the last line of the first stanza:
>> Constantly having someone consuming your souls mind
Should be:
Constantly having someone consuming your soul[apostraphe]s mind
This is the first Whitney poem I've read and it reall packs a punch :)
The closing is really strong. In such a short few words, you managed to lead me to memories of fireworks and that wonderful chest thumping "boom!" that is so satisfying.
My only critical thought is that "blackest night" feels kind of ... blah. I felt like I was being set up for something conventionally dramatic (and maybe overblown), but I doubt that the the effect you were going for. I would consider changing it to something less spooky sounding and more "hey, we're waiting for fireworks!" sounding, if that makes any sense. Maybe "Darkened night" or something like that. You might try playing around with a few ideas like that.
I love the last first line, how it so simply and in a straight-forward way introduces the topic. This is probably the first Etherea poem I've read, so I suppose that's the whole point of the first word :) That said, it really focuses the rest of them and I feel like I'm actually sitting in front of chess board as I read it.
I found the next bit confusing:
>> Chess
>> For me
>> Familiar
>> But new to me
I've been trying to make sense of "Familiar" versus "But new to me" and I can't resolve the discrepancy. I'd like to understand your thinking.
The closing is great. It brings me right back to the game and I see pieces moving around the board where it ends with a satisfying checkmate.
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