The formatting is difficult to process - it would help if you separated the story into multiple paragraphs instead of lumping it all together. You did well with describing the old man's appearance and purpose, but I feel this takes away from the scenery of the story. However, a story like this needs minimal exposition, as it leaves the mind open to contemplate the literature by itself. Excellent work.
The poem feels disjointed - you jump from talking about people buying things for Christmas, to possible Christmas debt, to reminding readers about the origin of the holiday. I like the poem overall, as free verse poetry is my favorite style. Why should a poet be constrained by rhyming and structure? Anyway, it's a good poem. Merry Christmas!
Once upon a time there was a dog named Lucy. Everyday, Lucy and her human would take walks through the park and play tug-of-war. One day, Lucy's human and his family moved to a different home and accidentally left Lucy behind. Because of that, she went on a long, arduous journey to find her human's new home. Until finally, Lucy found her human's home and spent her days playing and walking with her human.
I like the concept behind your story, and the writing style you've chosen makes it seem that much more personal. However, you have a lot of run-ons and sentence fragments sprinkled throughout the story. The story hurts to look at because of the formatting - I can't tell where one paragraph ends and where another begins. Your descriptive language was very good, and it made feel like what was happening in the story was happening to me.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/greatbluedane
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 7:45pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
