Hey! :) Nicely done! I really liked this! Your flow is great, and the storyline is definitely attention capturing!! ;) A few things I would look over though... there're a few misplaced or unneeded commas, maybe a run-on sentence or two? Maybe try just giving this a read, editing as you go.
And I really liked your title - pardon my randomness :)
So sorry this is all the advice I have for you, but hope it helped!
- grandpaslippers :)
Well. I must say, that was rather unexpected. :)
I just wanted to say good job! So sorry I don't have any advice for you... but it was a great read! :)
- grandpaslippers
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