Hey! :) Nicely done! I really liked this! Your flow is great, and the storyline is definitely attention capturing!! ;) A few things I would look over though... there're a few misplaced or unneeded commas, maybe a run-on sentence or two? Maybe try just giving this a read, editing as you go.
And I really liked your title - pardon my randomness :)
So sorry this is all the advice I have for you, but hope it helped!
- grandpaslippers :)
Well. I must say, that was rather unexpected. :)
I just wanted to say good job! So sorry I don't have any advice for you... but it was a great read! :)
- grandpaslippers
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/grandpaslipper
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 10:24pm on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.