Before I Read: interesting title. Seeking ties? What kind of ties? Im interested in the title, and then the description gives me some more information. They have passion to embark on the love. Not just passion for each other, it's an interesting way of explaining this.
As I’m reading: Did you write this in 2nd person? I see our, we… but then I also she two angels. Who am I as the reader in this?
After I read: This is very short, and can mean so much to so many different people. There isn’t a cut and dry read to this. I can see this meaning one thing to someone sad and lonely and then something completely different to someone who is happily in a relationship.
Before I Read: A very interesting title. Makes me really curious as to what is so special about this piano. What's going to happen here? I read in the description it is a romance, so I became very curious to how the title fits into the story. Who will be the main character? The teacher? Will we even find out who the teacher is?
As I’m reading: Beginning: From the very first paragraph we find out that Sarah is a ghost. How odd. I’m more curious to find out what happened here. This really does hook the reader.
You give us the setting as a broken classroom, that has been closed for a very long time. This is very intriguing to me. Is she a ghost because of what happened to the school? Do we get to find out her story?
Middle: We meet the strange man who is fixing the old school. I’m curious to how large a school this is. How many classrooms.
I was a little disappointed that it was the flu that took her life, and not a product of the reason the school is in a rot. I’m very interested to find out why the school because such a mess.
Why is he fixing the school? Why is he doing it alone? Why not have a crew?
End: Wow, so sweet. She loves him and waited. And somehow he knew that she would still be there waiting for him. This is really sweet.
After I read: I still would have liked to know what happened to the school, or how he knew that her ghost would still be there.
Before I Read: I don’t think there is one person who could read that title and not have some kind of reaction or emotion. Everyone has a schema for home. Everyone has a different schema for home. I’m going to assume that the emotions we get from this poem will be your emotions and reflection on your home. What emotions will it be? Before I ever even read because of my Schema I’m kind of sad. I already have a tear in my eye as I think of my home.
As I’m reading: Is this a soldier? How sad.
I really like this poem. As people are going to come in with schema, they soon lose it and feel these emotions. Feel the loneliness and knowing that you could be somewhere.
After I read: The emotions are amazing in this poem. I feel for him, I want to cry for him. I want to smile at the snow flake. I want his children to understand. You did a great job with this writing.
Before I Read: A picture of a puppy? Interesting. Is it a painting? Is it a digital photo? Is it something more? The title has me very interested in what this poem is going to be about. Also thank you for explaining how the poem is written so I can think about the words you had to use to make it flow correctly.
As I’m reading: Really does explain the process through that of a puppy. How hard it must be to paint a puppy who will not sit or listen. It is a nice flow and the imagery is there for the reader throughout the entire poem.
After I read: Sometimes poems don’t have to be deep. They can be cute and silly. I love this poem because it doesn’t break my heart, it doesn’t cause me pain. It is simply a poem that I can smile at. Great job. I love to smile.
Before I Read: Mad Boy’s Love Song is such an interesting title. My prior schema makes me think of one of my favorite songs. Mad World. I don’t know if the two will be of any relation, but I went to listen to the song just in case. I really do like the title and it really does hook the readers (or at least this reader)
As I’m reading: So much truth in this silly poem. To love chocolate more than anything else. Sometimes I feel this though, the need for chocolate more than a hug. More than a companion. Sometimes you need to be alone with chocolate. HAHAHA
After I read: Not at all what I was prepared for, but I loved it! I loved how the name does not lead the reader to expect that at all. It was amazing! Great Work.
Before I Read: I like how you write about the end of a romance and you let us know that before we ever read it. A summer romance is never meant to be more than a fling (In most cases) and I just find the beginning and end all the same. Short lived, romantic, and then gone. But most of the time gone with no drama. So i hope that your writing also show what a summer romance is in my brain.
As I’m reading:
How can you be in a departure, maybe during the departure on a late summer’s night?
The twigs makes the mother bird bawl I suggest deleting the s on makes. It would flow better.
Great imagery. It was easy to follow and feel the emotions.
After I read: I loved how deep this writing was. It was easy to follow along. The only thing that continued to bother me was you can’t be in a departure just in the moment, but thats my personal opinion.
Before I Read: Summer Kiss… Doesn’t leave much to the imagination but really does grab the reader in. Who doesn’t want to read a story about a summer romance? A love or a summer fling. This is the most innocent of loves. Who hasn’t had a summer romance to reflect back on (Well I am sure many people, but still!)
I like how you introduce the contest and the reason for the writing. It gives the reader an idea of why this was written, what the reason was for. I’m excited to read this and congrats on you honorable mention.
As I’m reading: Beginning: Dialogue to introduce is one of my favorite ways to introduce characters. My only suggestion is to try reading the dialogue out loud. Dialogue can be so hard to flow correctly, and I just feel that saying the dialogue out loud will help you to create a better flow.
Middle: As you get further into the story your dialogue is on point. I also like the imagery in your story. I can see what's happening as if I am there. I feel like I’m a part of the story.
As they start their walk, I get confused about who is talking when. Who said it was muggy out?
End: Summer love, so innocent. A sweet kiss with no one watching. You leave it with the reader thinking about where it would go. This is their second date, they have been friends. How innocent do they keep it? How long do they last? These questions fill one's mind as they finish reading.
After I read: You have done a great job with you story, and I know for the most part you have kept it in present tense. This makes it to where the reader feels apart of the story. My only issue is that sometimes the flow is lost because the verb tenses don’t sound right. It is just a few times, but I’m not that great at grammar or verb tense so it could have just been my read.
Before I Read: I like the title. Why can't she do that? Who is she? The title really lets the reader know that the conflict is going to be something about Alice not being able to do something.
As I’m reading: Beginning: I was expecting Alice to be the younger sister. This is interesting. Normal younger sister thinking. I’m interested to find out how her trip into the woods goes? I think the story must strongly rely on her trip into the woods.
Middle: I like how she is determined to do something her sister can nott do. I also like that the woods are a major part of the story, like the reader would think while reading. She shouldn’t have gone in.
Wow, way to bring her thinking to life. What would my sister do? She is the reason I'm here but I look up to her. I love this thinking and it is so realistic. Great job.
End: She found her way home. We expected this. And was thankful for her sister. I think the lesson learned was really good. Just the ending conversation doesn’t feel very real to me. Maybe go back and try testing the dialogue out. How would the sisters really talk to one another?
After I read: I really like this cute story. You did a great job with it. I’m glad that I found it and gave it a read.
Before I Read: The There is throwing me. I’m thinking that it is on purpose and makes me want to read to find out why it is there treasure instead of their treasure.
As I’m reading: Beginning: I like how you include prompt and etc in the story before you read. Gives the reader more to go on seeing as this is such a short entry.
Young girl looking for treasure. She found something, but they don’t want to turn because of all the other false alarms. How much does a person miss out on because we don’t want to turn and look.
Middle: Not much here, still looking for a treasure.
End: HAHAHA I was not expecting that. That was a great ending. Very unexpected.
After I read: This was a great flash fiction that really keeps the reader reading. Great Job.
Before I Read: I really like the title. Anything about the Apocalypse really grabs my attention. I’m excited to read your story and understand how your characters act during this time in their life. When the end is coming or near or already there.
As I’m reading: Beginning: I had to reread the first paragraph 3 times before what I was reading really sunk in. This has happened in previous books, and for the most part those are the books I don’t finish. Try rereading your introduction to make sure that your hooking the readers and not just confusing them.
Middle: I’m very confused by the names. Is there three characters and a robot? Do they all go by brannon? I’m so confused. I find myself going back to reread a lot because it is not clear who is talking to who. I’m very confused.
End: I like the ending. Die another day. It is a nice way to be friends and put off what is to come for another day. Interesting ending that I wasn’t expecting.
After I read: I got really confused by your story, a few times I thought about turning back and picking something else to read. I’m still a little confused and even might go back to reread again. I just think you should step back and read this out loud to yourself as if you don’t know anything about it. See if you can find where the reader would be getting confused.
Before I Read: A very straightforward title. You have me asking. What about this turtle? What makes this turtle so special? Is the title The Turtle or The Turtle’s Gift?
As I’m reading: Beginning: A big ball of water? We lived on clouds? So many interesting beliefs here. This makes the reader wonder… how was that possible.
The poor tree, a bit of an overreaction. I think readers would like to know more of why the man came to the conclusion so fast. Even if just by adding a sentence or two.
Middle: Interesting that he was able to pull the tree so easily, and also that the others pulling the tree did not seem to want to. Makes me wonder what kind of world this was in, and if the people were really free. Why didn’t they speak out?
She fell. The person to cause the issues by explaining a dream was the first to fall. Interesting. Karma?
Why didn’t the people follow her, could they see her from the clouds? And how large of a turtle was this that she was living on the back of?
End: She threw the seeds and made life grow, but again how big was this turtle? Did the dirt spand to the water and make land?
After I read: This was an interesting read, but it was hard to follow. Adding something as simple as, and that is how land formed… would add more to the reader's experience. You add an entire new world to the eyes of the reader who has no previous schema, but don’t add to the information so the reader understands more. I have so many questions, and while some questions are a good thing too many questions is a bad thing.
Before I Read: Jacob’s House is a very interesting title, (after reading this it's almost perfect for the theme of this story.) but doesn't really call to the reader. If i was a judge a book by its cover person I would not have picked the story because of the name.
As I’m reading: Beginning:I love how you introduce with once upon a time. Something classic and yet sets the mood. I also love how we get to know Jacob. Who he is and why (according to his mother). I also like how you give us the details in the second paragraph of a happy life… unit. That is a great way to keep the reader engaged.
Middle: Hannah being a sweet girl as he is a sweet boy wouldn’t care! That is what the reader is trying to tell him. But his glasses are fogged by love. Great storyline so far. I like how the friends are mentioned and have a keeping up with the joneses mentality. This is much of how we are encountered in life.
I love how he talks to his father, who then offers to help. In our mind we are hoping the father talked some sense into Jacob, but you never really say… until… you explain what the built house looks like. This is great storytelling.
Once we get past the house we are given a lot of information on Jacob's perfect life. How he does this, and that, but there is not much conflict. It is almost like you have an intermission in the middle of your story. With the given length it is not much concern, but I would possibly look into adding more conflicts even if just internal.
WAR! Just the sound of it makes one heart pound and worry about Jacob and his perfect town. I felt like you did a great job of keeping the story calm during the war, but I would have liked more emotion, but the story is about the house more so than Jacob. I almost would like to read this story through the eyes of the house.
End: We have a house now that looks much like a castle that was built with only love in mind. It is everything that Jacob’s friends wanted, but built because of love and need.
After I read: I loved this story. As mentioned above, the only thing I would suggest is tell it through the eyes of the house. It would be a challenge, but as a reader I would have loved more was the emotional connection to the house. To see how much the house loved Jacob and what the house saw as it was changed. How did the war scare it? How did the kids grow up? All the questions that only a house would really know.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.14 seconds at 3:22pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Hello 
Before I Read: interesting title. Seeking ties? What kind of ties? Im interested in the title, and then the description gives me some more information. They have passion to embark on the love. Not just passion for each other, it's an interesting way of explaining this. 
As I’m reading: Did you write this in 2nd person? I see our, we… but then I also she two angels. Who am I as the reader in this? 
After I read: This is very short, and can mean so much to so many different people. There isn’t a cut and dry read to this. I can see this meaning one thing to someone sad and lonely and then something completely different to someone who is happily in a relationship. 
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
