This is an interesting poem-- definitely funny and rhythmic. I think it would suit better as a comedic song, actually! However, the concept is hilarious and the performance is as well. Keep writing, and keep revising! Hope the speaker's thumb feels better :)
Very hauntingly emotional story! I love the genre and the sentiment. However, I think it would flow better to remove the "she confirmed"s and the "he said"s from it-- the flow of your dialogue is so strong, you don't really need those. Best of luck! I enjoyed reading your work.
Your voice is rather sophisticated. I enjoyed this poem very much-- period pieces are always great ways to convey messages about love and longing. I think your talent would be further demonstrated if you watched your choice of abstractions and punctuation/form. I know things like that seem secondary, but they can really make or break a poem. Keep writing; I hope to see more of your work :)
I think this poem is rather adorable! It manifests a feeling of devastation and longing. However, I think if you added fewer abstractions to illustrate your meaning and allowed the reader to infer their own message to your work, it would be all the more stronger. That being said, this is a solid work. Keep writing!
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