REVIEW FROM "Invalid Item"
_____________________________________________
REQUESTED ON DATE: 11th April 2012
REVIEW DONE ON DATE: 12th April 2012
_____________________________________________
Hi Dorianne
This is a very nice poem indeed. I, myself, enjoy poems of this kind very much. This is a poem written in a quite tough form to express the poet's understanding of life's philosophy in a symbolic way. We'll discuss more about the features of this poem in the following sections.
ABOUT THE FORM:
This is a Rondeau. The rondeau began as a lyric form in thirteenth-century France, popular among medieval court poets and musicians. Named after the French word for "round," the rondeau is characterized by the repeating lines of the rentrement, or refrain, and the two rhyme sounds throughout. The form was originally a musical vehicle devoted to emotional subjects such as spiritual worship, courtship, romance, and the changing of seasons. To sing of melancholy was another way of using the rondeau.
Here your poem does follow the syllabic scheme and rhyme scheme of the form precisely. But as I have stated above, this form of poetry is quite devoted to the beauty of nature and human emotions. But you have not shown much images of nature in this poem. But, I , certainly, can see that you have used a bit of deep melancholy in the second stanza of your poem. These two lines are my favorite lines from the second stanza.
As winds blow hard I see sails rip
My courage faces each hardship.
The refrain of your poem sings the central idea behind your poem and the rondeau does revolve around the refrain. Repeating a certain line at certain places in a poem without obstructing its flow nor its meaning is definitely a tough thing to do, but you, being an experienced poet, certainly have made it. I do respect your skill.
GRAMMAR AND SPELLING:
No spelling-mistake I could find. The punctuations are also perfect. But I reckon, lines 2,4,11 and 13 should start with capital letters. I think, separate lines, whether they continue the same sentence or not, must begin with capital (block) letters.
And I think, there is a simple error in the refrain line. It should be "the captain" rather than "captain". I can understand that you have written it to meet the syllabic needs of the form, but I must say only the syllabic limits of a form must not hinder the emotions, flow and correctness of your poems. Well, a nice grammar is an essential feature of an awesome piece of work. You have done certainly well, though not exactly perfect. Keep working towards perfection, THUMBS UP.
TITLE:
The title of this poem is the refrain line. This suits the form and also attracts the readers' curiosity. The title just gives an impression of the theme of the poem and doesn't give complete idea about the poem itself. This is an essential characteristic of a perfect and well written title. You have done really well here, keep it up.
THEME:
This poem speaks of human life from a philosopher's point of view. life is compared to a voyage in the sea. And life's various features are described as various thrilling experiences of a voyage.The theme and the way of expressing it are simple and understandable by readers of every class and age group.
The poem ends in positivity. It speaks of a sailors way of thinking. When in the sea, a sailor craves for peace and land. But when in the country, the sailor misses his adventures and craves for another thrilling voyage. Same is applicable for human life too. These ending lines are truely awesome.
Soon from the cup of joy I’ll sip
to toast safe harbor’s membership.
But my restless heart, with it’s sighs
starts the dream inside my old eyes.
Back out to sea and life I’ll slip,
I am captain.
Keep it up, keep writing and sharing.
RATING:
As I am really impressed with your work, I am giving it 4.5 stars. The reason is obvious from the above analysis of your poem. We reserve 5 stars only for perfect pieces. And as you are an experienced poet and human, we expect more from your poems. I will be reviewing your other works soon. As I have several entrance examinations at hand, it might take a bit of time.
SUGGESTIONS:
Not much suggestions except that you should do more studies on various forms and their origins.I have written a poem with a theme quite similar to yours. I would like you to read it.
| | Invalid Item This item number is not valid. #1858217 by Not Available. |
I know the rhythm of my poem is rough. But you will excuse me for that, 'cause I am not a native English speaker.
ABOUT ME:
I am a formalist poet and a member of the POETIC EXPLORATION group.You can find my poems at my portfolio Ganesh Prasad~Back Home .You can also visit MY BLOG .
DISCLAIMER:
This review is my own opinion. The group which this review is affiliated to nor any other person ( if mentioned in this review ) will not remain responsible for any kind of inconvenience.
BEST WISHES.
Review from "Let's help each other grow- Closed" .
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
|
|