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1
1
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.5)
It takes courage to own up to our mistakes.
I am touched by your contemplations.
I wish you all the best, Gab
2
2
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*Heart* NOSTALGIA *Heart*

As soon as I opened this door, I sat down to read about Penelope.
It hurts my heart to think about your loss.

At age 12, Alex, my daughter and a friend, took a bike ride on a lovely woodsy trail not ten minutes from our home.

Sometime later, Alex arrived home with a small trash bag. It wiggled. wiggled. and wiggled. Watching my frightened eyes, Alex pulled out 4 tiny kittens. She told me they saw a man tossing the bag right there in the woods just a foot or so from the river.when he thought no one was looking.

I thought to myself: Oh no, tell me it isn't so.!! I couldn't keep 4 cats. The next day, Alex went off with the bag to see if she could find homes for a couple of the kitties.

The two girls came back several hours later. I peeked in the bag. There were 2 kittens squeeking and rolling in the bag. Right then and there, Alex talked me into keeping the kittens so they could keep each other company when I go off to work each day.

Alex named the cats, Count and Minnie. Both names came from kid's public TV programs. Alex remembered the TV shows and decided to name the boy kitten, Count because he was black all over.. Minnie was named after Minnie Mouse. She was black with white paws.

The two cats were dynamos. When they were a tad larger, I remember
Alex's gush of laughter when she caught Count hanging on and attached to the dress I was planning to wear to a party. It took a big effort to peel the kitty off my dress. Needless to add, my daughter's work pay was swallowed up buying toys for the kittens.

Both cats lived to be 15. We had dogs after that for several years. When my
husband died in 2016, I moved to Vermont to live near my daughter. She gave me a kitten. Lyla is wild and wooly. She's still a kitten. though I don't believe she thinks she is still a kitten.

I was so pleased to be able to read about your sweet cat riding on your shoulder, dear Maryann.

Thank you for sharing your memories.

All the best, G

.
3
3
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Maryann

Since you waste no time getting us poised to review.
I thought I'd turn the table to enjoy reading a few of
your wonderful poems before I do my best to create
a passable review.

All of this while the patter of rain is quickly becoming
drenching weather.

This is a fine example of a Terza Rima poem. It comes
from Italy. Since there are only three lines in each stanza,
each group of lines tells a small part of the bigger story.

This Poem, Rain Pondering, is a beautiful poem
with surprising pictorial effects.

You are a talented artist and author, Maryann. This poem is
delicate and declarative.

Example: "Damp scent and shrill cry of birds through the sweet grey
Cool breeze hints of something more than just misty."

Thank you for sharing this beautiful poem, Maryann.
I look forward to reading more.

Warmest best, G.
4
4
Review of Jenny  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)


Your Grand Daughter

This is a lovely poem, Jenny. I am a grandmother too.

Each line in your poem is reminiscent of the
love and admiration I have for my granddaughter
while she continues to grows so quickly.

This is a sweet, tender verse:

"More precious each day
Than words can ever say
How Blessed I am
God sent you my way."

This poem is gentle, thoughtful, and well written.
You have a charming poem with well executed rhythm.

I wish you and your dear grandchild all the best,

Gabriella
5
5
Review of lucie willis  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

Love of Drone Photography

Dear Hallie Sellasie,

The other day, while I was walking across a huge open field, I looked up to see what I imaged was designed to be an amazing piece of drone art. While I have never seen a grown-up drone in action, I believe I saw one. It was colorful and distorted.

It disappeared as quickly as it appeared. Later on in the day a friend
suggested it might have disappeared quickly because it isn't clear that folks can fly drones in our state-especially without a permit. In any case, when I I looked for drones on the internet, I found a great selection of drone cameras. I look forward to seeing more.

Last, but not least, I like your description of Lucie Thomas. Is she a relative or is this you in hiding ? Whatever your response, I have enjoyed reading about Lucie Thomas. Barney Marsh sounds like a great match for Lucie. I hope Barney likes children. Lucie must be a busy mother with 5 children
between 8 and 16.

You write well, Hallie Sellasie (glarg1675) I remember you from those early days on W.Com. I hope you are enjoying your return.

All the best,

Gabriella

6
6
Review of Reminiscent Winds  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Review

To celiasgirl

This is a beautiful message sent to your mother:

Oh Mama, so many times over the past years I have wished you were here to hold me as I have struggled. I have missed you so much and I still think to call you, just to hear your voice and calm me when I am down. Please don't stay away so long next time. I still need you and I am lost without your love.

Your Farewell:

Your shared your last days with your mother in such a loving, delicate way.
You remind me of my mother who was a gracious, lovely lady--thoughtful
and kind, she never complained. I can see in your description of your
precious moments with your mother that she was touched and grateful
for your presence, still able to feel your love and very careful to make
sure you feel and never forget those moments when she loved you.

This is doubtlee the most touching moment in this piece:

"Esmé felt safe in the cocoon of her mother's arms.".

Thank you for sharing your mother with us. You are not alone in all these thoughts and feelings.

Warmest best,

Gabriella
7
7
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)



To: BarbetteLouise Author IconMail Icon

A belated warm welcome to you, BarbetteLouise. I hope you have
had a chance to visit these programs founded to roll out
our red carpet for you:

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Overview: Butterflies and Bombs

I read and reread your poem a couple of times. Each time
I read it, I found more reasons to enjoy it without drawing you
in to make more than a few changes.

When I read this poem, I decided the poem is not only penned by you,
It is all about you. I came across this little bit of wisdom and decided to share it with you.

"To light up the world, differences must be.
We must expand on uniqueness
tp create quality."

It is gratifying to see all of the other 5 reviewers also
admired the poem the way it is.

Having said this, I want to point out that reviewing and learning
go hand in glove. Discovering short-comings and filling potholes
are great and valuable assets. This poem is a glorious exception.

A few Small Fixes:

You write: And the tips of the grass ,tickled my feet
Suggestion: remove the comma.
Corrected Line:
And the tips of the grass tickled my feet

You Write: Then the birds kept singing
"America" is not free
Suggestion: " America is not free."
Corrected Line: Then the birds kept singing
"America is not free."

You Wrote: And showed me how clear
the water could be
If only America will learn
to make peace
When will people get the message
two by two we shall lead.

Suggestion: If the two swans are
singing or speaking this
message, the second half of
the message should be clad in this: "
Corrected: this is how it would
look: "If only America will learn
to make peace
When will people get the message
two by two we shall lead."

In Closing, I Elected to Share this Poem's Precious Message:

Two swans grabbed my hands
And brought me to the water
And showed me how clear
the water could be
"If only America will learn
to make peace
When will people get the message
two by two we shall lead."

Well done, BarbetteLouise !! I look forward
to returning to read more of your
wonderful poems

GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon



8
8
Review of I'm Sorry  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
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I'M NOT SORRY

for sharing this with family, friends,
and colleagues who will benefit if you read this
from start to finish. There is still
time to help one person who can't fight
off feeling humiliated, is told being an under-
achiever is a sick addiction, and is never good
enough, no matter how hard you work. What
you do is never enough.

A harshly abused person prays for
that day when he or she will be valued, admired,
and respected. Thank you, Court, for opening
this door. Do any of these seem familiar ?

"I'm sorry, for not being the perfect girlfriend.
I'm sorry, for not being good enough for you.
I'm sorry, for not looking like a model.
I'm sorry, for not listening to anything you say.
I'm sorry, for not knowing anything.
I'm sorry, for not able to make you happy.
I'm sorry, that I am scared of you.
I'm sorry, that you choose to hurt me with your words.
I'm sorry, that you get so mad at me...to the point, you tell me to shut up.
I'm sorry, that I'm depressed...but it's not a choice.
If it was choice, I wouldn't be depressed.
I'm sorry, that you think that I don't love you.
I'm sorry, that my insecurities are getting the best of me.
I'm sorry, that I was stupid to hurt myself.
I'm sorry, that I can't help how I feel.
I'm sorry, that I always make your day bad.
I'm sorry, that I am a mess and that I cannot be fixed.
I'm sorry, that everything I'm saying...you've said.
I'm sorry, that I made you treat me this way."

We'll use Court's Wisdom to close this review:

"MENTAL ABUSE IS NOT OK !" {/i}
9
9
Review of Glass Flower  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

Queen Normajean of the Grneyes:

I was captivated by this wonderful piece the moment I completed the first sentence. Of course, we have Rose Blum to thank for this. She comes across as lovely and sure of herself. It is because she is elegant in her show of confidence that every guest in the exhibition's gallery is captivated.

You do a fine job painting Rose's lovely demeanor and her sincere appreciation for her visitors. She'll never tell her story because she can't afford to give up what makes her a fascinating painter with a secret that
she will never reveal, especially because painting on glass the way she did
it is not impossible.

This is a 5-star winner, QN. I hope this delightful story wins a prize. It is as beautifully written as the primary character in this story is captivating.

Before signing off;

I was delighted to see that you joined W.Com a year before I did. Welcome back, Queen N. I hope you are planning to stay for a while.

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10
10
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)
-------------------------In Cardboard Boxes--------------------

Moving When My Daughter Was in California With Her Mom

This has to be a nostalgic moment for a father who is going through what was once a happy bustling family's home before both mother and daughter moved to California--the other side of the US.

Now, this father has to go through everything from his daughter's childhood days to now when records and grown-up music are compelling. This daughter is now in her teens.

Emily's broken blue water gun that no longer squirts. I stopped cleaning and packing for a drink of Sprite, surely I will never finish this task tonight.

"Taped to her mirror were tickets from Christian concerts. I carefully took them down, and turned out her light, thinking how she will view her new room; eyes so bright."

This father managed to tell his story with careful descriptions that accompany leaving his family home and imagining what his daughter's new home is like.

Bravo Lou-Here By His Grace Author IconMail Icon I look forward to reading more of your poetry.

All the best, Gab
11
11
Review of Forever September  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)



A Forever September:

How a Couple Agrees on Love of September

I love this poet's Opening Description:

"Forever said he;
Let’s forget all about wintertime misery"

Once in a great while, I'd go to Maine with my
grandmother to spend a long weekend:

"Catching "the rays of the sun" and "a breath of fresh air; old September can linger with winter nowhere":
"Still the Earth could remain with the sun going forth;
(it would steady its ecliptic path in the north.)
And so winter could sit with a gust in his mouth
since the path of the sun would not head to the south"

This poem is delightful and remarkably on the
mark where all of the most treasured
elements of the month of September creep
up to wake us on a chilly fall morning..
At the same time, the warm, sunny daytime
brings a delightfully warm temperature,
just the right time for a picnic on the rocks

Your poem is reminiscent of the beautifully painted
fall days depicted by Winslow Homer.
"The leaves are falling, falling as if far up."

I have thoroughly enjoyed your poetic Septembers.
You carried me back to those vacations in Maine
when the warm days and
cold nights were glorious and memorable
reminiscent of Emily Dickinson's Autumn:
"The Morns are meeker than they were
The nuts are getting brown;
The berry's cheek is plumper,
The rose is out of town."

Bravo and all the best, Don Two Author IconMail Icon
I look forward to reading more of
your poems.
12
12
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

To Connieann:

Your friend's 95th Anniverssary

What a wonderful tribute this is, Connie !
Your friend Joan sounds like a dear,
very special pal. In addition to being able
to spend time with you whenever possible,
Joan is obviously a great friend who is
also thoughtful and caring, While she has
achieved her 95th year
one of her greatest gifts is having a
dear, very special friend like you.

This last stanza is lovely, Connie.
I hope you have a cheery chat on
July 29th. I especially hope each of you will enjoy
another year with a treasured pal. `
.
I can't imagine a better gift than the
gift of your friendship, dear, Connie.

All the best
13
13
for entry "Summer" Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


To: Nfdarbe

Re: Sizzling Summer

Thank you, Snow. This is as lovely a poem
regaling summer as I have read in a long time.
While we are thoroughly engaged in our worries
about the dreaded disease, it is wonderful to
revel in the beauty, purity, and greatness
of summer.

Warmest best,

Gab
14
14
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)


Title: Couldn't Save

Observation: While I am not a fan or well versed on the topic of
ghost stories, I decided to do some homework on the topic.
I looked for and learned a bit about the films and stories written
by Zoya Akhtar . Along with this creator of
gruesome stories, I found your story is also macabre,
emphasizing the details and symbols of death in a
grim ghastly atmosphere.

You may be pleased to find that your short story is
similar to those found in the Cyclopaedia of "Ghost Stories"
Most of these stories are haunting and many were written
during the Victorian and Edwardian‎ periods.

Review:

I found your story appropriately bleak and oppressive. You do a fine job developing an atmosphere that is terrifying and at first, difficult to anticipate. Once the handcuff's were unlocked, I could see there could
only be one empty ending in this death knell.

I admire the effort you put into this story. Considering the brevity
of your story's backdrop and background, you managed to
maintain an atmosphere that is bristling with unspeakable rage.
Well done.
15
15
Review of Run Away  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)



First and foremost:

A warm welcome to Writing.Com, Chantelle
As you may have noticed, we have a number of inviting
programs developed to welcome new members.
We hope you will enjoy taking advantage of these opportunities
to begin writing:

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What I found in This Piece that Caught my Attention

Title: Run Away

"Run Away" caught my attention the moment
I opened the door to Chantelle's portfolio. Naturally, I
was curious to find what lurks behind her title.
Her choice of format is a perfect match with this piece.

Not long ago, I moved into a cottage in New England-
one of several built for soldiers who came back from World
War II without families or homes to return to.
My house is a small clapboard cottage. We can tell
when it was built by looking at and wondering if the
kitchen and stove will be large enough for me. Both
were designed for the individual soldiers who
almost never did more than boil water for
morning coffee or an occasional bowl of soup.

This spare but effective tale begins with a woman who is running down the streets doing her best to avoid tripping over the remains of a horrific battle that is now reduced to nothing but smoke . She lost the old woman who crossed the streets with her. Now, she is exhausted and hungry. The few soldiers who survived this carnage break into the story with guns pointed challenging this woman who is now running for her life. She appeals to the soldiers with their pointed guns. All she wants is safety and someone to take her in.

'Take her in.' Wil snapped his head to Dave, protesting. Dave raised his hand that stopped Wil even before he began. With a sigh, he gave in.
'Follow me', he said turning around.

Genesis had won them over. But now she had a feeling she would be running again ."

Closing Remarks: For this writer, description is an indispensable tool
The author shows us the level of observation can reveal character as well as providing visual and plot detail

Bravo and all the best...........
16
16
Review of Snowy Cold Rain  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (5.0)

Poet: Anna Marie Carlson
Poem: Snowy, Cold, Rain

Your Style: Having read a few of your poems, I noticed that you enjoy creating poems with long, slender lines that exude elegance and are remarkably effective. Each message is simple and direct.

An Example: The thrill was lost when it started to chill, and the breeze filled the air with a bit of despair.

One short error:
You write: "the snowy cold rain fall down on the plain."
I suggest: the snowy cold rain fell down on the plain.

I particularly like your closing line: "The snowy cold rain was a pain to explain; the picture was a dis by many. Since we were looking for spring, it was disdained, and that my friend is a very good thing."

Bravo, Anna Marie Carlson !

I look forward to reading more of your poems.
17
17
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (3.5)


--All Hail the King--

Overview:

This is a delightful little story the size of a postal stamp.
Aside from those brief moments when your story has an occasional
spelling glitch, you paint a glorious portrait of a simple man who
dreams he will someday become a King, a man who will sit firmly on the King's throne to rule a multitude of people.

Needless to add, the admiring audience will never grow tired
of their king. The little children will carry the day when they
lead the crowds singing: "Long live my King"

One day he prays and gives thanks to God Almighty before he
realized he had just been dreaming.
"Damn it, this is just a dream," he said to himself.
He closes his story with:
"I will surely rule my world one day with my handwork, integrity and my work for humanity. " he concludes wearing this simple man's
attire when he goes off to work.

Before Closing: A few Blunders Waiting to be Fixed:

Breathe taking should be breath-taking
Glarring should be Glaring
Eeliminate a where you wrote: a terifying blazes
Terifying should be terrifying

We look forward to more stories. Bravo and all the best.......
18
18
Review of My First Story  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)


To: Anuradhad143

Re: Your Story of Love Lost

A very fine re-write:

Bravo for the effort you put into
revisiting this story so that it is easy to
understand while you also leave
us heart-broken on your behalf.
I can see you have the determination
and ability to work at writing so that
your story is clear.

A first love is often one that lives on
in our hearts. I hope you will be
able to follow up with a story
that has a happy ending.

Thank you for sharing your story.
You put a great deal of effort
into this story. I admire your
determination and appreciate
your hard work.

All the best,

GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
19
19
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
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Giving Birth to Twins
This is a lovely account of a precious event.

While your story is remarkable, it is also free-spirited,
memorable and lovingly recorded, Sharmelle. You write without drama
when you describe the birth of your babies. and
you make room for Daddy. adding greatly to a thrilling day
like no other. You share this event in a way that your
children will always cherish. Nice going,
Sharmelle. I'm especially grateful for this opportunity
to share this wonderful day with you-a
tribute to your marriage and the love you share with
your husband and the babies
when they heard your soothing voices.

Thank you for sharing this glorious
moment, Sharmelle.

Bravo and all the best.

GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon


20
20
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)


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Recollections of Boot Camp

Overview:

This is a well written description. Its
most impressive feature is a refreshing absence of frills.
Your touchstone experiences convey pride
and determination. It is clear this spirit is not lost
when you leave boot camp. Thinking back, you
recall passing the obstacle course and what
a typical day in boot camp looks like. I came away
from reading your memoir, pleased at having
been reminded that military men and women
have chosen a demanding profession.

I found the simplicity of your explanation appealing, Roslyn.
I assume from your description that you arrived
at Boot Camp sufficiently physically fit to give you a boost
during those rugged early days of rigorous training.

I wondered what inspired you to join the
Air Force. And, I am curious to know what
you hoped to do with your training ? Did you
remain in the military ?

Succinct, Personal, and Relevant:

Your memoir is a fine narrative. It focuses
on specific experiences shared in a way
that reflects the discipline of your training.
The layout of your story shows us you
believe in the importance of being organized
when you write good essays and stories.

Bravo, Rosie, and all the best....
21
21
Review of Ode of I  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)






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Title: Ode of 1

Reviewer: GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon

First and Foremost

A Warm Welcome to Writing.Com, Jinks !

I've had the good fortune to visit your portfolio.
My immediate response was
to admire the grand effort you've
made to write poems that are meaningful,
heartfelt, and gutsy.

You jumped right in to create poems
that address real life challenges
without reservation. There is not a poem
in your portfolio that is slim or meager.

After reading this review, I hope you will find
you've taken an important first step
by signing on to W/Com. We are a large group
of caring individuals who will be
here for you anytime you need some support.

Most important, I hope you wil find you don't have
to struggle to feel good here:
"Defeated am I now
for I have fought till I can no more
defeated am I now
my courage has failed me, disappeared through the door"

I admire your fearless approach when
you sit down to write a poem, Jinks.
And, I look forward to returning to your
portfolio to read more.

Keep up your good work !

Warmest best, Gabriella
22
22
Review of Visiting Grandma  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)

Visiting Grandma

Reviewer:GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon

The Role of Grandparents

This is as lovely a tribute to a grandmother as a grandchild can deliver,
Rachel. I am especially moved by the joy you receive when you express your creativity through writing. This is a glorious example:

"As I looked into my grandmother’s eyes, I caught a glimpse of the woman she once was. She beamed, her whole face brightening and I saw the beautiful debutant, coyly agreeing to dance with my grandfather some fifty odd years ago."

How significant a grandparent's role can be.

A grandchild’ is fortunate to enjoy a bond with grandparents during those precious years from babyhood to the time when grandma talks to her fully grown grandchildren in her role as family historian, mentor. and role model.

Imagine how wonderful it is for the children of a single mother to have
doting grandparents who shape their lives and are major sources of fulfillment. A grandparent can be counted on to share a wealth of experience and wisdom.

The love you express for the grandmother in your story is heart-warming and reminiscent of those many summers my family
of 6 spent with my grandmother in Maine.

Your writing style is gentile. Your Georgia is gracious and she
is a perfect match with your tribute.
The communication Georgia had with her grandmother was
loving in ways that will be lasting.

I felt privileged to sit with Georgia while she visited with her grandmother. As always your writing is first-class, Rachel.

All the best,

G.
23
23
Review of Behind The Lines  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)

To: Seabreeze Author IconMail Icon

Your Poem: Behind the Lines

I selected this poem after reading several
of your many diverse and interesting poems.
This poem is spirited and
calls on us to be brave--to step up when
it is important to do so.
I can't imagine a better time to
encourage folks to step up to be heard.

"Come out behind those tight lines.
Break free, be an independent.
Don't stifle, don't hide your brilliant mind.
Polish it, and let it shine."

I like your writing style and the format
you have adopted. This includes
the space between lines. Your poem's
presentation is delicate and elegant.

I noticed the first and last two lines
rhyme. You followed through
faithfully from one stanza to the
next. Your poem's rhythm
is consistent and it flows nicely.

During your 8 years here on W.Com,
you've accumulated a fair amount
of work. It is clear you enjoy
writing poems. I do too but I haven't
pushed myself to write enough. You
are a great example of what can be
accomplished with a bit of extra
effort over time.

Bravo and all the best,

Gab

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24
24
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.0)

Title: A Best Selling Book

This story begins with an introduction to a woman who spent many months thinking about and spinning a story in her head. Despite her many efforts to do so, the woman froze the moment she sat down to write. Eventually, she abandoned the story and it was forgotten. Her daughter knew her mother had it in her to write this story and was sad when her mother died without having written a word. The daughter decided to write the story her mother couldn't write.

This story is loving and heart-rending. It has real potential. There are
some errors that need to be fixed to give the story its due. These are suggestions. You'll decide if they are helpful.

You Wrote: She had many hobby's.
*BoxCheckR* Fix: hobby's should be hobbies

You Wrote: She wanted to be known bij people. bij should be by.
*BoxCheckR* Fix: I wonder if the sentence should read: She wanted her book to be widely recognized.

You Wrote: And, have the same lufe she has now.
*BoxCheckR* Fix: lufe should be life.

You Wrote: cleaning out her old roon
*BoxCheckR* Fix: roon should be room

You Wrote: She read all of it
*BoxCheckR* Fix: She read all of it should read: She read it with tears in her eyes.

You Wrote: One year later she was done and she had written the story that her mother couldn't get on paper. She went to a puplisher and published the book

*BoxCheckR* Fix: She wrote the book. When she finished the book a year later, she delivered the manuscript to a publisher who bought the book. When it went into the bookstores, In no time it became a best seller.

It may help to ask a friend to read a story when you continue on to
write more. I found it's easy to miss errors when you read and
reread a story. There comes a time when it's easy to overlook errors.

I like your story and I hope it receives lots of positive feedback once
you've made a few repairs.

All the best,

GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
,
25
25
Review of Divide  Open in new Window.
Review by GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with Rising Stars of WdC  Open in new Window.
Rated: E | (4.5)

To Emilee

Your Poem: Divide

Overall Impression

Your great strength is your creative
spirit and your choice of words when you
write about your struggle with the pain of
loss and the mean-spirited behavior of a
malicious other.

"Consume the loneliness with a touch
Take away the burning pain
The one that seems to be too much
Leaving only an eternal stain"

Observations:

I struggled a bit with the role of the
butterflies. However, the
poem communicates what must be
said. I wonder if this young woman
is able to reach out to her friends
so that the "cold of death" isn't
a factor in moving past this loss
if the loss is one that is part of
her off-line life.

Emilee Anne is as lovely a name
as your poetry. I look forward to
visiting your portfolio to read more.

You come from PA. I lived in Chester
County, PA for many years before
moving to Vermont. I have thoroughly
enjoyed meeting you and reading
your poem, Emilee.

All the best,

GabriellaR45 Author IconMail Icon

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