I think it's a cool idea, gruesome but cool. I think you could do more with it however. It has the makings of a real spine-chiller but i feel it needs a little bit of work - perhaps you could add little hints about the witch-trees creaking or seeming to moan above them maybe?
Leroy Groom as a character has all the makings of a typical psycho - which is a good thing (oddly)and i liked the more emotional touch of having a girlfriend albeit a dead one.
You have some great ideas here. I love your steam-buggies and the dark, stormy plains of Zaramol. The description you've used is really vivid (one of my favourites being your "cloud-capped sky") but i think you could do a bit more with it if you padded these three chapters out.
It has great potential and if your looking to make this into a book perhaps these three chapters could span 10 or so A4 pages so that your reader could get to know the characters a little better.
The comment you made in the third chapter about the farmer and his wife having lost a daughter years previous could be added in earlier as the couple get to know the girl, or rather, get used to having her asleep in their room. Is it a common occurance that the farmer finds people or objects?
What are the farmer and his wife like? what are their names? What does the prince look like? how old is he? I'm intrigued by this 'Castle' that is mentioned.
I like the mystery you have created with the rips in the atmosphere and how creatures disappear and re-appear through them. Is this how the girl arrived in Zara?
Your first chapter has a good blend of original ideas but the exact measurements, in my opnion, tear the reader away from the fantasy and imagery the rest conjures.
'The Magisters' sound really cool. Are they giant mountain creatures? Creatures of the elements? And i should like to know a little more about the god/goddess Lir.
This is a great start.
Good Luck!
Amaris
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/froogetywoog
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 8:06am on Nov 13, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
