I like your story and I enjoyed reading it. First, I think that your opening sentence is a little to long. Try to make it shorter and too the point, think of it as the set up for a joke. If the begining is too long then that will take away from the punchline. Second, I didn't see any mistakes with grammar but I wanted to say anyway that in my opinion story quality should be first there is ALWAYS time to rewrite. Third, I love the brutal atmoshere that you placed the characters in. A stuggle for survival all way pulls the reader's attention more than any other type of drama. I liked how you described the action, I love action sceans! In all, I think it is a great piece of work and keep writing!
I love your story! I like to write a lot of fantasy and it is really hard to be orignal now a days and but the begining to your story really has a fresh feal to it. Your setting is really good and pulls the reader in very quickly. You also have really interesting characters and I would personaly love to read more about Now'Chi. Nice work! Come by and vist my page sometime, I could really use some feedback on my stuff!
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