Hi there, first let me say I liked the imagery that the peom presented, made me feel very sorry for the little girl. I do have a question though, is the girl like the authors daughter or is the quthor the girl? Some of the wording like at the end "I felt so all alone, she went to sleep at last." is kind of confusing and a little hard to understand why the author is sad. Is it just for the girl or is the author the girl? If you could clear that up a bit I think future readers would be able to sympathize without getting confused. Cheers!
Hi there Aleyah, I found your story to be rather compeling, even though we don't get too many details. I don't know which story you are tryin to tell here, Dochias or Floras, but I think a few small details may help give a clear picture of where and when they are. Your reference to her being a Knight helps, but maybe if you could mention something about the fight that led to his injuries? Or if you are telling about Flora a few more details about where she comes from, or why she wants for the villagers to leave her alone? I think you are only sctraching the surface of something that has potential to be great, keep at it!
Cheers!
I like the premise of the story, the epic preparation for a battle that will decide the fate of the kingdom. I do have one question though, is it supposed to rhyme? I see what you're trying to do with the separation but I don't feel the meter always flows. If it is supposed to be like a poem I think you should try to even the lines out a bit or just forget the rhyme and put it into a novel format so that you can tell the story freely without being bound by trying to match the words up. Do like the way you're going with it though, Cheers!
I think there could have been a bit more explination about the character, like is he handicapped or does he not have common sense? And what is the note about? Did he write it as an alter ego or was it actually someone needing help? I guess I just missed the point except for the part where he was coloring everything the same by washing them all together. Cheers!
I really like the idea behind this story, though I think you glaze over what could be the best parts. I know this is supposed to be an overview of what happened over the entire course of the career of the vest, but I would love to read the events leading to the capture of the Small Town Killer. And after that the stories of the other killers they track down from DC. I think you have real potential to tell a great story and you should take full advantage of it! Cheers!
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