Good story, however there are some mistakes, mostly typos, so I suggest try to read your story loud, to yourself or to someone to catch the mistakes. If it doesn't make sense to you then it won't make any sense to those who will read it. Also, I noticed that in the top part there are few sentences that kind of run into each other but they seem to be separeate thoughts. You may want to start a new paragraph, because it's a bit confusing. Try to avoid contractions such as can't, shouldn't, don't in your descriptions, you can use those when your characters are speaking. Hope this helps!
Wow! Sad and terrible at the same time. I really hope that this is just a story and that you or someone you know did not have to experience this. There are couple of spelling mistakes, nothing big. At the last paragraph of your 5 I guess chapter, you have "disparetely" instead of desperately, but it could be just a typo. And there is another one but can't find it now. All in all great writing and as I said before I do hope it's just a story.
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