I enjoyed reading your essay. "Having been born at a very early age much of my first five years" is a line I've never read before. I like that your introductory paragraph leads into the three areas of Foundation, Friendship and Future. I also liked that your essay encompassed, "the hills and valleys of emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual progress". Your supporting paragraphs expanding on your foundation in faith, your friendship that turned into the love of your wife and your future as reflected in your daughter now grown into "a talented adult lady! " nicely carry the body of your essay supporting your thesis. Your conclusion that your life has been a success in ways of lasting measure supported by Biblical references is well-honed. Your statement, "What is my life's value? I have a saving Lord, Who died, was buried, and rose again to secure my place with Him forever. I have a wife and daughter, who know the same saving Lord, that we may serve Him together forever." speaks wonderfully of your success through Foundation, Friendship and Future. These 3 "F"s made fore a good framework for both your life and this essay. The essay is well-written and has no errors.
I very much enjoyed this essay. Bringing in the examples of both Socrates and John Wesley added gravitas to your theme that taking our time to examine the aspects of your own life is indeed worthwhile. In the next three paragraphs you detail your own personal examination, you taking your own personal inventory, and relate that the experience is not one of ease and something that challenges and indeed overwhelms to the point that one needs to bring God's help into the process to assist when exploring the individual roles you've taken on. I think the idea of writing down both the pluses and minuses is helpful along with the understanding that individual's alone are not good judges of themselves and can often discount the positives while enhancing their negatives or vice versa. In your conclusion, you followed through with the Wesley idea of not just taking the inventory but sharing it with another person in order to complete the cycle of confession in order to come to a place or correction and forgiveness. It would be my hope that you also shared the positives of your person to another and received affirmation that in these areas with encouragement to continue on these right paths. Your essay was well-written and without errors. It reflects your faith and very personal belief in the subject matter.
This is an excellent essay about the importance of taking inventory in the area of business management, however it surprised me as the contest was one that asked for an essay on taking one's personal inventory listed on a spiritual page. There are many parallels that can be drawn between operating a business and conducting the business of living a fulfilling life. Due to the nature of the contest, I would have liked to see you weave some of these insights into your essay, however the essay itself is well-written with no errors. You cover the aspects of your subject thoughtfully and throughly. Every point is followed up by clear and concise examples and you make your case well for the value of taking inventory in a business setting. I am only sorry that no aspect of spirituality was included in this exceptional essay.
I love this poem...identifying strongly with the stanza
"Yet here she lives; this loving scum,
Succumbing to the dreaming.
And when she slimes her proudest muck,
You'll find her conscious...
Gleaming."
So true...I love this stream of consciousness piece on the experience of eating jelly beans....and your freedom of thought...also humor which is so difficult to convey in writing.
This is a lovely and meaningful poem. I love your word choices "My truck is thirsty,
My tummy empty". simple, direct getting the point across that climate changes is actually now affecting all of us on a personal level "The sun is scorching,
The heavens have shut" these lines are very very strongwomen. I do wish the ending was not a question but some answer instead. You got your message across with great fluency.
I very much enjoyed this poem...not so much for your mastery of a form but for the emotion your captured. Indeed you brought in all the senses felt when flying to the questioning, fidgeting, distraction and finally the history and away that brought you to calmly conquering passage way above the clouds.I throughly enjoyed with lovely write.
Ohhh....this bit of flash fiction is filled with intrigue, mystery and the paranormal all done with brevity and excellent word choices. I love that you wasted not one word in this piece that demands to be expanded. You've begun such a great story here...I can't wait to read more about William and Roscoe!
I too have bipolar disorder and find your outlook and advice refreshing and the only sensible approach to this illness that can be both blessing and curse depending on how you choose to manage it. Vey nice, helpful essay. Thank you
This is a common pray..."for another day to make things right" many couples together a while have huddle and prayed sticking to their side of the bed, not willing to forgive an inch...not then, perhaps in the morning. So universal a thought, well written with good word choices and brevity...like that last waking breath. So deceptively profound knowing, all of us that some day that tomorrow won't come. Insightful. Thought-provoking.
Such a strong line, “I love you is the most beautiful lie” ! That line really drew me insane well as “A word you can say looking into my eye.”
In the second paragraph hurtled each other seems a verb of the wrong tense perhaps hurt not hurtled I think is correct. Also I’d like to see I or i not going between them but that might be the formatting.
It seems you never shared mutuality of feelings between the other character of the poem so there is a sadness throughout..and lingering feelings of regret. You have strong lines and great ideas, I’d like to feel some resolution of them within the poem but perhaps that can’t be.
What a sweet poem! I like the emojis and makes me think this could be made into a nice children’s book …Midnight the perfect name. The rhyme in the last line in the second stanza could be smoother…it seems to be the only flaw I see. Very enjoyable and fun.
Ah…you’ve written about the secret of attraction - the ability to show your flaws with confidence as people hate perfection, resent it, talk behind its back…indeed when we love it is because we are attracted to the flaws…loving them as much as we hope others find them lovable in our own selves. I love the tone of this poem. The unfolding with uncertainty…then the one feature you’ll never forget…presented in an unforgettable way. Lovely.
I love the first line “I will dance at the end of the world “. I also love the wonderful last line “We will not make ourselves small for you”. This is a powerful poem. The repetition of the line “I will still take up space” adds to the potency as it reads as if the poet says the lines louder and louder with each repeat of the line. I am left unsure of what “army of ancestors” being referred to and cringe a bit at the use of the word “bitch” as it seems out of place and detracts the reader from the internal strength and confidence shown. I would like you to let the reader in a bit more on the background meaning behind this poem as it all is not readily apparent. I love the throng emotions expressed but wold like a bit more in the way of description of where and from what situation this emotion is coming from.
I’d like to see this subject expanded. It feels s if it is the beginning of a large work with the ending coming too soon. I think this topic has a great deal more that could be said with more description of both the casino and the former beautiful natural land. I’d like more about the proud man’s emotion to be show rather than just told. What you have written is compelling but I’d like to see it expanded into a longer work expressing more.
I was charmed but this gentle and kind story. I think it might be missing some explanation as to how the owner’s name was Iris but other than that small detail, I found this lovely act of humanity at its best to be a warm read giving hope for humanity. Also telling the reader who Jack may be - if that was the character’s name or that of a dead spouse and how small the note must have been to fit in the case with your glasses first unnoticed. Again these details might be added and the story expanded some but none of this takes away from the emotional impact of this piece. Thank you for sharing it!
This is a lovely poem. I think it is the format but too bad your non-cap i could not be consistent throughout. The poem suggests you found a true companion but it could also be read as someone who finds themselves within the art of meditation as expressed by “in the middle of blooming lotus”. I find this meaning to be perhaps more universal to be looking for love and finding out by going within that you are the love you’ve been searching for and in following your heart…you find and follow your true purpose and have to search no more. I find this to be insightful.
This is interesting as I see it as three poems instead of just the one...I'd love to read more about you and your horse, I'd love to know more about you and your birthdays and I'd love to know about you facing your fears of bike riding...but they seem to be too many great deserving topics wrapped into one poem. Love the last line "It was me". was well worth the poem and could be its own poem. I love your loving description of your horse and also your very personal and colorful words used to show the reader the imposing new bike...very skillfully crafted with great word selection. Consider expanding this saga into three poems...all wonderful topics which you've expressed honest and strong emotions about.
This poem makes me want to give you a big hug. You don't need more Jesus just less distrust of accepting that you are loved unconditionally by God. That you are indeed His beloved child and no one can take that away from you but you. It is hard when not taught to be loved from a father or others. It is hard to accept that just doing nothing is all that is asked when children of God. This poem is about trying to be good enough, do enough to find what is already wrapped around you...found only when doing nothing but believing. But you expressed wonderfully the predicament of children without strong father figures learning distrust and forever enveloped in the feeling of not being good enough to be loved through their own learned human experience and therefore the near impossibility of opening themselves up to have faith in an unseen God who is and has nothing but complete love for them just as they are right where they are right in this moment without needing to have more of anything but the faith of a child. Very heartbreaking but well put.
This poem is so sad because in it you capture the feelings of so many people who feel this exact same way but do not have the poetic command to express it so well. Our world is filled with desperate people feeling trapped in their own minds ruminating over past mistakes and regrets. Powerful.
What a delightful write! I too have a July birthday but have never read of such an imaginative and fun write that I hope was half real as it would be a great gift to some lucky 40 year old. The pool and Renew take it a bit into the area of fantastic fantasy but what fun. Your dialogue spot on and the description of the cake explosion, "Chocolate went everywhere. And not just chunks of chocolate, but it was now chocolate spray. All over the dining room, the guests, the cowering dog under the table." brought a smile to my face. Fun, enjoyable and well-written.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/finder101
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 6:20am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
| (4.5)
| (4.0)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
