This was one contest I felt really got me into the habit of writing daily. All it took was 15 minutes a day but it got me accustomed to sitting down and actually penning out something. The prompts were always interesting and usually the problem I faced was having too many ideas to know which one to pick! The prizes are awesome too - daily AND an overall prize!
All in all a very useful contest and one I think everyone who has 15 minutes to spare for just 15 days should join!
I think this was a very good start. It caught my attention and made me laugh throughout. I thought it was brave of you to attempt to toggle the narrators' points of view here. Normally that could either go really badly or really well. I thought it went really well here.
I love the internal dialogue that's going on. It really brings out the sense of humour of your two main characters and I find that really helps me relate. Plus it makes me giggle through the entire piece.
What I Felt Could Be Changed
Some of the internal dialogue seems to be a little bit redundant to the piece (even though it IS madly funny), however this is a rough draft and I think with editing, and with more chapters getting written, you'll be able to organise everything and take out whatever doesn't need to be there and put in new things.
It's tricky when you use real brand names like Halo. Maybe you could come up with a pretend-video game and allude to the fact that it's a huge game.
My Thoughts
I sincerely think this was a good read. I would definitely read all the other chapters you have up. Romance novels can be borderline cheesy once in a while but with all the humour you've injected into this, I think you've managed to make this very good indeed. I'd recommend this to anyone who was into comedy or romance, or both.
Good storyline, it's interesting and I'd definitely like to read more.
I like the way you've developed the characters. It's early on in the story, but I can see how they work, what they're like, already. Good job!
The dialogue is funny and witty. I liked the banter between Peter and Lucille when they had that bet going on about the beer rounds. :)
What I Felt Could Be Changed
Some spelling/punctuation/grammar errors but very few of those in the first place. I'll pick 'em out for you in an email if you want me to, but since this is a NaNo novel, i think you weren't looking out for those nitpicky things anyway.
My Thoughts
I felt this was a good start, like I said earlier, it was interesting and I really would like to read more of it. Congrats on the word count again!
This is a cute idea for a poem, you've formed the character of the cat well. Given you're looking for this to be an introduction for a children's book, I have to say this is interesting and innovative and something kids will probably love.
Nice description, which makes this poem very humourous indeed.
What I Felt Could Be Changed
I was very let down by the fact that in the middle of the poem, suddenly, a line didn't rhyme. It seemed jarring and out of place. "This time travelling cat never failed" and "He solved his case every time" are examples of two such lines.
Also, you need to add some punctuation like periods to denote the fact your sentences have ended. For example, "No one could tell" should have a period or an exclamation mark at the end. There are many such sentences left open in your poem.
My Thoughts
I like the concept of this poem, it is appealing, amusing, Monsieur Pierre is extremely personable, but I feel you have to be consistent with the rhyming and the punctuation to make this a really good poem. Having a consistent rhyme scheme is specially important since it's for a children's book and they will respond to something like that better.
I like the perspective you took with this poem, how the rain has no prejudices, doesn't discriminate, falls on everyone.
Nice use of personification, especially of the rose and the grass, I liked those images.
No grammatical errors, nice layout.
What I Felt Could Be Changed
The title doesn't cut it for me, it seems to simplify the meaning of your poem, at least to me, as the all-encompassing influence of the rain goes beyond politics.
I liked the way you made comparisons between the poor and the wealthy, the white man and the black man, but I felt it was too obvious, too stark a contrast. Something more subtle might have worked better here.
My Thoughts
This was well written with many personal touches added that helped me appreciate this poem. As I mentioned above, I like what you brought out about the rain, I think it's something we should all think about. Lots of imagery, most of them were nicely added, but some parts were forced in to show the similarities between two extremes, I felt.
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I think this was a very good start. It caught my attention and made me laugh throughout. I thought it was brave of you to attempt to toggle the narrators' points of view here. Normally that could either go really badly or really well. I thought it went really well here.
Some of the internal dialogue seems to be a little bit redundant to the piece (even though it IS madly funny), however this is a rough draft and I think with editing, and with more chapters getting written, you'll be able to organise everything and take out whatever doesn't need to be there and put in new things.
I sincerely think this was a good read. I would definitely read all the other chapters you have up. Romance novels can be borderline cheesy once in a while but with all the humour you've injected into this, I think you've managed to make this very good indeed. I'd recommend this to anyone who was into comedy or romance, or both.