I think you met the challenge well as Sam Adams fell and hit his head when he was 10 years old causing a concussion. As he woke a dog stood over him and talked to him and he understood, and the dog understood him.
Now they are good friends. The boy received a gift from his fall.
Only one thing I noticed:
The dog waiting for him OR (the dog waited for him?)
Such a lovely poem that captures family and traditions.
I could smell the cinnamon and spice and taste the food from the first sentence.
It's so nostalgic to hear about family coming from a distance to be with you during the holidays. A time of forgiveness, love, memories, and good times. The old mingling with the young; swapping stories over a warm fire.
Remembering those who have passed with fondness and love.
You captured everything in this poem.
Espero
Image #2291665 over display limit. -?-
Image #2112967 over display limit. -?-
Image #2122266 over display limit. -?-
I see you were only allowed 8 lines but you used them well.
I never knew much about Curious George but now I know a little more. Seems he was always into everything and was able to use his charm to get out of situations.
Good job!
Espero
Image #2291665 over display limit. -?-
Image #2112967 over display limit. -?-
Image #2122266 over display limit. -?-
I was intrigued by the title and description as I like anything to do with family history.
I thought the opening was good and kept the reader engaged.
I hate to even mention the couple things I saw because I don't think it detracted from the overall story at all
1) And Albert would smile. (I don't think you need And here)
2) For Albert would buy anything (I don't think you need For here unless it would have been in middle of sentence)
Albert was a busy guy (must have had a lot of money as he never sold anything), going from sale to sale and making a name for himself. I liked how you made it a social story with everyone opening their houses for Albert; even showing him special things.
Now the drama mounts as Albert find an old photo album. I might mention that you were very descriptive throughout the story leaving the reader with a picture in their mind of the events.
Tension mounts as now Albert arrives home with the album and the reader is expecting some famous person or royalty on the pages. Maybe finding something etremely valuable; but the wily writer wasn't going to make it that easy, was he.
Now a mystery as the people in the photos were becoming more and more unattractive.
And then, the drop, when Albert feels a tap on the shoulder. Totally unexpected which is not easy to do. Applause to you!
Espero
Image #2291665 over display limit. -?-
Image #2112967 over display limit. -?-
Image #2122266 over display limit. -?-
This is a nice poem that travels from a mother's arms, to school. Then off to explore the world and all it has to offer. As happens to most of us, life has its ups and downs, but we overcome. Once we have a family, it comes with a lot of responsibility and so we settle down to raising them as best we can. Finally, when our job is done, we can look back, tell stories to our grandchildren, and hopefully realize we were truly blessed.
I don't have anything to criticize about this poem, but I do think the 'meter' is off. That being said, I am not an expert on poems and hesitate to suggest the meter should be changed. There is, however, a great resource at writing.com to study the different types of poetry and how they should be written. I can't remember what it is called but I'm sure you can find it with a search.
You have the story down, you have the feelings, and it's a great read. Keep writing!
Espero
Image #2291665 over display limit. -?-
Image #2112967 over display limit. -?-
Image #2122266 over display limit. -?-
I wondered if this was a story from a true experience. If so, I applaud you for writing it as writing personal things will show more emotion. The story ended well for John as he found Buddhism, I was happy for that.
However, this is my suggestion. Writing.com offers an edit as you are typing. Pay close attention to that because it can help you correct spelling and grammar errors. I found 12 errors and then gave up writing them down as I thought it better for you to bring this up in your portfolio and watch the suggestions that are given.
Here are the few things I found:
1) As at about 1996 (About 1996)
2) Perplex (perplexed as you used it)
3)and start feeling misery (as was feeling miserable)
4) john (names should start with capital letter)
5) mr Hill (Mr. should be capitalized, I saw this at least 3 times)
6) he is or going (I would eliminate the word or)
7) alone with him (along with him as I understand the sentence)
8) If at the restaurants......(this sentence doesn't make any sense to me)
9) gave birth to ladies (should be girls, not ladies, newborns are not referred to as ladies.
10) living, only John behind (leaving)
11) In 2008, Light (not sure what the word Light means in this sentence)
12) life in it dimensions (life in its dimensions)
I stopped corting at this point in the story
Yes, there were quite a few errors, but I don't want that to discourage you. If you have a story to tell, then write it. Sometimes it just takes a lot of practice and you will get there. Don't stop writing!
Espero
Image #2291665 over display limit. -?-
Image #2112967 over display limit. -?-
Image #2122266 over display limit. -?-
Definitely feel the pain in this poem so you have the ability to portray your feeling in verse that the reader can also feel. I see one spelling error (though I held on to tight) (use too instead).
I hope you find the love you deserve and then you can write a Love Poem. Keep writing!
Espero
Image #2291665 over display limit. -?-
Image #2112967 over display limit. -?-
Image #2122266 over display limit. -?-
I like this. It definitely shows multiple 'love' scenarios. Although the rhythm is off, it doesn't seem to matter because it flows very well and smoothly when reading. I didn't spot any errors in spelling and grammar in poems is always a little iffy for me (never sure). Good job!
Espero
Image #2291665 over display limit. -?-
Image #2112967 over display limit. -?-
Image #2122266 over display limit. -?-
I love this poem. It is inspirational and encouraging. It leads the reader to believe that they can continue on when the odds seems against them. I would love to know the style of this poem if you respond. Very nice job!
Espero
Image #1827993 over display limit. -?-
Image #2122266 over display limit. -?-
This was an interesting opening; very descriptive and caught the reader's attention from the first paragraph.
The dialogue seemed very genuine and flowed well. The woman's halting English and the thug's slang made the reader able to picture them.
How creative to have the lights go off and then the horror appear - and it didn't lack for ghoulishness.
There is one thing that I felt was not correct and you still have time to take a look and fix if I'm correct: The sentence 'suspending one of the train car....'
I would definitely give this 5 stars. I felt all the emotions from the initial timidness and fear of the train, the woman's gentle and caring advice, the thug's leering grin. All of it was expertly written - in my opinion.
Great job! I hope I get to read something else from you in the future.
I liked the story. It kept the reader in anticipation thinking a bear might appear but not knowing what would happen.
The only grammar I saw (and I am no grammar expert) was a sentence that started with And. And to the delight. Not 100% sure if a sentence should start with and.
There was a moment of fear when the bear appeared in camp, but the writer ended the story with some humor.
Good job. Keep writing. Writing of true experiences generally ring true to the reader.
The Sanguine Song (18+) She has been alone for centuries. Can she find what - or who - she needs? (Adult Content) #1767831 by 🌖 HuntersMoon
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: Dark and seductive poem. Flows very well and reads like a story, making reader want to continue on. You start off with the vampire feeling lonely and sad, musing about lost lovers. You end with a victory she has acquired.
Form of Poem: Unsure
Grammar/Spelling: I found no errors
What I liked most: The storyline
Errors found: None
Suggestions: None, perhaps I could get some from you?
This review reflects my opinion only. I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful! Espero.
Overall Impression: I would have liked to see more of a story with these characters. There were so many names in this short story that it became confusing to me.
Plot/Characters: Mithra, Iranian deity of covenant, light, oath, justice and the sun. Tammuz, God of fertility, Gia, daughter; others.
Dialogue: n/a
Grammar/Spelling: I found no errors.
Suggestions: In such a short story, I think there were too many names to make the reading enjoyable. This is just my opinion; do not let that discourage you from further writing.
Thank you for sharing your story!Keep writing - we will keep reading!
This review reflects my opinion only. I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful! Espero.
Overall Impression: I thought your review of Johnny's Cash's Folsom was clearly researched thoroughly. I learned some facts that I did not know and thought it was very interesting. Johnny Cash certainly was a colorful musician who overcame a lot of trauma in his lifetime.
Plot/Characters: Review of Johnny Cash's music
Dialogue: n/a
Grammar/Spelling: I found no errors
Suggestions: The review went the 'extra mile' and it clearly was written only after doing extensive research.
Thank you for sharing your story!Keep writing - we will keep reading!
This review reflects my opinion only. I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful! Espero.
Overall Impression: Don't cut yourself short on this story. It kept my attention throughout and I thought it was very imaginative. Not to mention, I have a cat.
Plot/Characters: And cat and its owner.
Dialogue: n/a
Grammar/Spelling: I found no errors
Suggestions: Keep using your imagination to write more. I thought you did a good job.
Thank you for sharing your story!Keep writing - we will keep reading!
This review reflects my opinion only. I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful! Espero.
Overall Impression: The story made me reflect back to raising children (now grown). Did I do all the right things? Of course not. It was a more comfortable time back then when we didn't watch so much TV, didn't have cell phones and computers. Now, I see what is happening and you are so correct, we have all lost touch with each other.
Plot/Characters: n/a
Dialogue: I found no errors.
Grammar/Spelling: I found no errors.
Suggestions: I hope that your message is seen by a lot of people because we all need to take a step back and remember those small acts of kindness could change a life and how great would that be?
Thank you for sharing your story!Keep writing - we will keep reading!
Rebirth (E) this poem is about the changing seasons and the birth of a new year #859138 by super sleuth
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: This is a very lovely poem that takes us through the seasons in descriptive verse. I liked it very much!
Form of Poem: Rhyming
Grammar/Spelling: I found no errors
What I liked most: The poem flowed so well.
Errors found: None
Suggestions: You showed us in this poem that you have a good grasp on how to write a well rounded poem. Keep submitting, we would love to read more of your work!
This review reflects my opinion only. I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful! Espero.
Overall Impression: I loved the story. I get upset when we talk about animals invading our space. It seems humans forgot who was there first. Where do we expect the animals to go when there is nowhere left to roam. This is true of animals and sadly, human to human. I always am pained when I think what happened to the native tribes of America. This read like a tale that the Indians would tell over a campfire.
Plot/Characters: A pack of wolves.
Dialogue: None.
Grammar/Spelling: I found no errors.
Suggestions: Keep submitting and we will keep reading.
Thank you for sharing your story!Keep writing - we will keep reading!
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: First of all I love the title, it invokes magic. I liked the poem and the descriptive words therein. It was lovely.
Form of Poem: This was a semi-rhyming poem but did not have a standard meter. Verse 1 & 2 rhymed the 2nd and 3rd lines. Verse 3 rhymed lines 2 and 4. The 4th verse stood alone. It was still beautiful.
. This review reflects my opinion only, I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful!.....Espero
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: I like this little poem. It was very descriptive.
Form of Poem: It was a rhyming poem but the meter was off in a few places:
Verse 1: 10 10 9 9
Verse 2: 9. 9, 9, 8
Verse 3: 9, 9, 9, 9
Verse 4: 9, 10. 10, 10
Grammar/Spelling: I did not find any errors.
What I liked most: I liked the flow of the poem; the meter did not seem to change it.
This review reflects my opinion only. I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful! Espero.
Overall Impression: I like this story. It was a glimpse into a world most of us know nothing about with all its glamour and excitement. At what cost though? Some get so hooked on drugs and power that you wonder why they want this kind of life. That's why we are all different, I suppose.
Plot/Characters: A woman talking about life with a band member.
Dialogue: I found no errors.
Grammar/Spelling: I only found 1 little thing:
1) a acoustic (an)
Suggestions: Keep sending in your stuff. I enjoyed the story!
Thank you for sharing your story!Keep writing - we will keep reading!
This review reflects my opinion only. I am not a writing expert. I hope you find this review helpful! Espero.
Overall Impression: Absolutely! A resounding YES, to continuing with this story. Not often have I read such vivid descriptive test and I was taken into that little stone cottage and shared the discoveries that the new owner was experiencing. This reads so well. Quaint, imaginative, interesting......more please.
Plot/Characters: A woman who has purchased a stone cottage.
Dialogue: None present.
Grammar/Spelling: I questioned a couple of things:
1) her self (I thought this should be one word)
2) in to (I also thought this should be one word)
Suggestions: Definitely keep going on this one. It is totally worth doing.
Thank you for sharing your story!Keep writing - we will keep reading!
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 12:11am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
| (4.0)
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: Dark and seductive poem. Flows very well and reads like a story, making reader want to continue on. You start off with the vampire feeling lonely and sad, musing about lost lovers. You end with a victory she has acquired.
Overall Impression: I would have liked to see more of a story with these characters. There were so many names in this short story that it became confusing to me.
Dialogue: n/a
