My thoughts - I loved it! I thought it was a cute poem.
My interpretation - This poem was about a boy who is scared of a "monster" and wants his mother to take it away. It is something I'm sure all children have been scared of at one point in their lives or another.
Comments - I don't have anything negative to say. It was great!
That doesn't sound enjoyable. I can understand how it affected your life and the surprise and dread you felt whenever you found out that you had RA. This short story just seemed like a little bit of insight in your life and something you are going through. I think it was well written, and I am glad that you were able to make something good out of something bad occurring in your life.
This freestyle poem was about how pain always comes back to you. In the poem, I could tell how much the pain hurt you. You did an awesome job of showing how much it hurt you instead of just telling the reader.
I would suggest capitalizing the first letter of every verse. Also (and this may seem like no big deal to you), I would suggest only putting one question mark. It makes it seem more professional. Sorry, just my personal opinion.
This is a great poem - and that's a lot coming from me, who doesn't like poems that much. Awesome job!
This was a heartfelt story about how you had a lot of self-doubt and are scared for the world around you. You have a lot of questions and emotions, which you do a great job of showing rather than just telling the reader. Your sentences flowed very well and I enjoyed reading this. The only suggestion I have is to make the font size 3.5 or 4 so that it can be easier to read.
Story
I think that this poem was about how you didn't have a mother growing up. I think that it was really heartfelt. I may not know much about poems, but I liked yours. I could understand how you felt and the confusion you felt and the questions that constantly bugged you.
Punctuation
I feel like you should have had some more punctuation in there. From my understanding poetry doesn't really need punctuation that much, but (correct me if I'm wrong, please) it does need to have some punctuation here in there. One place where you could add punctuation could be at the first line where it said "Dear Mother in law" you could add a comma. This is what people typically do in letters, and that is sort of how you formatted it. It was sort of like a poem and a letter at the same time, and I liked that! Good!
Formatting/Structure
You formatted it correctly. The only thing was, like I mentioned before, that I could see that after the first line "Dear Mother in law" you should put a comma after it. The structure was great, and everything seemed to be in order fine. Although, I don't read or am usually attracted to poems very much, this was very good. It had me reading the whole way through. I felt sympathy for the author, and if that was your goal, you definitely accomplished it.
Overall, this was a well-written piece. I honestly think that it can be kind of difficult for me to find poems that actually interest me or are heartfelt, but this one had it. You should be proud!
This was amazing and I really connected with this piece of writing. I could feel your words. However, even if someone's piece of writing is as awesome as yours, I still try to find at least one piece of feedback that I can give them. I don't really write poems very often, so please forgive me if my suggestions don't apply to poems, and feel free to let me know, too.
- I am a newbie, too, and I just recently learned that you should make your font size 3 or 4, because it makes it easier for older people to see. You should also consider making it a different font to make it more eye-catching.
- I don't think you formatted the poem right. I'm not completely sure how a poem is supposed to be formatted, so I would suggest that you look at another author's poem on this website to see how they formatted it. To do this, you can just click on the search bar in the top left corner, click on "All of Writing.com," and type in 'poems.' Then you can scroll through and find a poem as a reference. I would suggest looking at a poem written by one of the Preferred Authors.
Overall, this was super good. I will be keeping an eye out for future stories written by you!
This was really good :) However, I do have a few suggestions. Just keep in mind while reading this review (and any other one for that matter) that I usually just skip through stories unless the first few sentences or so catch my attention somehow. If you hadn't caught my attention like that, I probably wouldn't even be writing this review right now.
- There were a few sentences where I felt like you didn't phrase it right or it just didn't seem to be quite the right wording. Some of these places were where you said, "A few days before monsoons, we children used to build our treehouse." Another sentence that you might rephrase or add a few words to was, "The only thing I have, and I am not even sure that all of them are true or my mind created a few of them just for comfort." I think you should read through it again and find any other places that you might need to say differently other than these two.
-I am a newbie too, and I just recently learned that it is better you put your font size at 3 or 4. This makes it easier for older people to read and so that you don't have to squint to see. You also might try doing a different font to even better catch the reader's attention.
-Lastly, another suggestion I have is to either indent your paragraphs, or put a space in between them. If you need an example of how to do this, you can look in my portfolio at one of my stories to see how I formatted it.
This was a pretty good story and had lots of details. I hope to see more like this!!
This was great. I have no words. For just a draft, this is pretty awesome.
The only suggestion I have is that I noticed in some paragraphs you didn't have spaces in between them. Maybe you should go back and put those spaces there.
Great story! Can't wait to read more of your stories!!
This is great! It flowed well and had a surprising ending.
*Whenever you say whatever someone is thinking, I like to italicize it. For example, whenever you said Why had he even asked her out, he wondered, for the billionth time. Instead, I think you could format it as, Why had he even asked her out, he wondered, for the billionth time.
*I think you should make your font size 4 of 4.5. Older people may have a harder time reading or have to squint to see.
*Check to see if there is anywhere you can add a comma. What helps me find these hidden places are by reading the passage aloud. (hint: check the first sentence)
This is great! It will be even better after an edit. I hope you take my suggestions well! Have an awesome day!!
I liked it and the message it contained. However, I feel I would have liked it a lot more if it were longer. I felt like the story didn't wrap up very well, because you ended with a paragraph talking about their parents.
This story has great potential and I can sense a great background story... I would love to read more. :)
This was a great story! I love stories that are rewritten from fairy tales...
I only have one suggestion. In the first sentence, it said, "Luna yawned she was tired." I would put a period in between "Luna yawned" and "she was tired."
This was SO good! It had an awesome message and really flowed together.
The only suggestion I have for you is on the first stanza to make the last verse kind of match up with the other verses in that stanza. I don't know if you understand what I say by this, but it didn't really match up. Email me if you need any clarification on what I mean.
Overall, awesome work! Wish I could write a poem like this!! ;)
This made me laugh. I have been staying home alone for years now, and I remember that the first few times I did it I regreted telling my parents to let me. Good job!!
It was a really good short story that had a good message at the end. You wrapped it up really well at the end. One suggestion is that I think you should probably find a way to make the beginning of the story more interesting. I felt like I was kind of zoning out at the very beginning. Other than that it was overall really good :)
I think that it was a pretty good draft for your first short story! It was kind of hard to follow along with, and I think you should consider adding some transition words to make the flow of the story better. I am new on this website, so I totally understand if you are still getting used to everything! Hope you have a great day ;)
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