the chapters are neat save for certain spelling errors (marry-go-round, today, hansom, there) and punctuations. i find the tone of the letter quite inappropriate. it was very straight to the point plus i think the character Viviana should feel something after reading the letter (the tears did not make up to it, especially the reaction of the other guy: wow). maybe you could insert some nostalgic memories from the past with her parents... like remembering riding the merry-go-round in the past with her parents, etc. don't fast-forward, it's like you're too excited to go to the adventure part. :) you could later use this to point the contrasts between the two worlds, if i understand it correctly. the story has a harry potter feel, too, but i like the idea. also, why the change from first person? all in all, i think it would be a great young adult novel, although i haven't read the next chapters yet. it's also great to leave us, your readers, hanging i every paragraph or every line if you can, but you have to answer our questions. all the best. :)
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