Hello my name is Edward. As a Newbie it can be daunting to review those with more experience. Please do not be offended by my personal views. In reviewing 'Mom'.
I found the piece engaging enough, and liked how it was laid out. Yes it brought back memories. However, I found the font to heavy detracting from both my reading annunciating the piece.
The piece was enjoyable and sent me back in time. I enjoyed the layout. The font was my biggest difficulty, and did spoil enjoyment a little to much.
Hello my name is Edward. As a Newbie it can be daunting to review those with more experience. Please do not be offended by my personal views. In reviewing 'Day to Remember My Mother'.
I would like to say on first view I thought the font and format a bit weird, but they worked for me at least. Spellcheckers would say “Somethings” should have an apostrophe. It did not detract from my engagement with the piece.
For me this piece and it's sentiments hit home. Perhaps because the first day I read it was Mother's Day, or the content struck an emotion deep inside.
Hello Oldwarior.
You certainly know your history and geography. Do you come from the school, of 'Always leave them wanting more'? That's were you left me. Of course this is my personal opinion and review of the piece 'The Enigma'. Its characters, plot and references.
I found the piece very easy to read. First it gushed like a spring, and then flowed like a river never meandering to the estuary.
Poor 'Huck' parents can be terrible at naming children. No life at school would not be easy carrying those moniker's. As soon as I discovered we were going to Orleans I suspected the 'The Maids' appearance but not how you staged it.
I found the Monseigneur In line with papal discipline. Though I am not sure if I would have liked a bit more about his character.
Your references are solid so I may have left out carbon dating. As it often takes a good few months to get this done.
You nailed the current view of Philology. Unfortunately I still hanker after the old definition. "A love of learning and literature".
regards
Ed.
Hi my name is Ed.
My views can be extreme so please do not be offended. This is a personal review not an attack.
As a preface it hits all the genre's you have applied. As neither of us know where this is going suggestions are difficult.
Paragraph one is reflective. Consider putting an age in at the time of moving house. Then the last line about 8 hours sleep will give the reader some idea of how the sleep depravation has been going on for this character.
Paragraph three. I would suggest "As of late". rather than "As of recent".
Paragraph four. I have experienced expanding darkness myself. If the room does not play a significant part later on perhaps omit it and build on the expanding darkness.
Remember I am an amateur. This is your story you must be satisfied before the rest of us.
Thank you Santhanam.
I always find this subject interesting. I think I have made my mind up, but each time I hear or read about the subject I have to think again. If you have access to the BBC iPlayer you may enjoy this http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b00z5y9z from the In Our time archive.
I look forward to reading the next pice.
regards
Ed.
Hello Jonny
I read this piece today and thoroughly enjoyed it. You hit all three genres named. I liked your characters almost immediately.
This is my personal view of this piece and as on older reader who still enjoys Fantasy and Mythology my views may also be old. I should add I know nothing about dragons. Other than what I have read in books or seen in films. I am in no position to comment on punctuation.
I would like to examine the characters a little.
In the first exchange between Behemoth and Alex I am thinking Alex is a child or young teen. In the paragraph after the exchange we find Alex has been drinking ale. This slightly confuses the view of Alex generated from the first exchange. Don't worry it does not last long.
I think you can end this paragraph at excuse. Lose the (however) and go back into dialogue.
( creature’s maw ) is this a typo or yet another thing I do not know about dragons. Maybe you can say wear the maw is located on the dragon.
After the metamorphosis. You describe Behemoth as still having the same baritone voice. I do not think this fits with a squeak before flying a few laps around Alex's head. Perhaps a cough.
Overall a good read with humour and morality.
Regards
Ed.
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