Wow! That's beautiful. Truly amazing work. The overall theme of the work sounds like something Shakespeare himself might have written about. For claiming to be inept at classic poetry, I think your pretty good at it!
I only have one issue. Now, I may be wrong, but I believe all lines in a Shakespearean sonnet have to be ten syllables. There are a few lines toward the end that are a little shorter/longer.
"The brightest stars do live among men [9]
Without squandering their souls away [9]
Without getting so lost again and again. [11]"
"The caprice of stars is just an illusion [11]"
Anyway, once again, nice work!
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