This is definitely emotion-provoking. The author's pain bleeds through. If people were not aware that words can hurt this here shows it. the work being is used in place of beginning and there are other grammatical/punctuation errors. I believe with a good edit this will be the amazing piece it attempts to be now.
This reminds me of a book I have read in the past. I cannot put quite remember the name, but the premise of the book was just this. A vampire man who only drank from the criminals and because of this was unable to be sated. Is it perhaps the same book? I see this was written in 2005, so it makes sense that it very well could be.
I read this and am struck by what I see that the character is trying to "say". The incomplete sentences and the grammatical errors made it choppy. The repeated changing of first person to third person and back again also makes it unclear.
However, I do understand the premise of the monologue and the anger and sadness of the character, based on his choice to defy death.
I would love to know if this book has been published. I also think this was a great start to what could be and probably is an epic vampire monologue!
A cute story of friendship and what that magic can do! Milo and Thomas are just too sweet and stole my heart.
The only opinions I have to offer are to correct the multiple typos in the text and the part where the nana "farted, fainted and fell back" seems a bit crass in this lovely story. It seems to be out of place and did not come across as humorous.
Please take or discard my opinions as you see fit. They are just opinions and in no way should they be perceived as negativity. I would like to read more Milo and Thomas adventures and share them with my children.
With friends like that, who needs enemies? I would just like to comment that if you are having "friends" like that, they are not your friends. Real friends are supportive and love you for who you are. This is very sad and I hope things improve for you.
My name is Echo and I read your "journal entry" and have to tell you that I COMPLETELY understand this. While reading this I feel as if the writer is the main character, that it is not written about a fictional character. I feel moved and sad at the same time. I was pregnant at fifteen and a half, and YES it is important to me to get the half in there. I feel your pain, i feel your regrets. The emotions that must have been present when writing this are stirred up and whirled alive. This subject is a good topic to write on. With the "fame" that has been brought to teenage pregnancy these days, I believe people forget and have forgotten what the young girl goes through. I had my son at the age of sixteen. My world completely changed as well. I didn't finish high school, I did not go to college and I did not become a doctor. I was on my own. I will tell you to enjoy the days of your little girl being young, they go so fast and if you do not you will regret it later on. Try not to focus on the loss and focus on what you CAN do now. Do not believe that you are stuck. You are not. If you want to be a dancer, work towards it. Yes it will be harder but it will be worth it.
As far as your writing I did not find grammatical errors. It flowed as a "conversation" with ones diary would. (wouldn't it be nice if they could talk back and give us advice). Again, I was impressed with the feelings that were put into it and how they crossed over through the text.
This is more of a personal review, than a helpful review. I hope it does give something back to the writer.
I think this is a really great idea. In fact, I was looking for activities in which to write but are not contests. This seems to me to be a perfectly comfortable way to just let your mind flow freely, staying inside the rules. I would like to do this. I would like to say that the instructions are failry well written. I do not know if it is just me, but it seems a litte confusing as to how it all works. I have been a member of WdC since April, but had to be off for a couple months. As a new member I do not know quite how everything works.
I wanted to comment on this as it could be very confusing to other new members as well. There is no place that states whether the last three words, that are seen on the list (at this time a total of 50), are the most recent. Does the list auto update?
Other than the above, I have no suggestions. I would like to extend appreciation for "non-competitive" contest!
first impression: This is very descriptive making it easy to see the scenes in the mind's eye.
A few suggestions that I have (my opinion only):
I'm not certain about who, or what, is chasing me but I do know that I need to continue to run if I am to avoid its deadly consequence.--- I am not certain who or what is chasing me. I do know that I need to continue to run if I am to avoid its deadly consequence.
It appears that he walks erect on two legs though his humped back deceives me by suggesting a slouched posture.--- It appears that he walks erect on two legs, though his humped back deceives me by suggesting a slouched posture.
These are the moments in which I gain advantage and am able to lengthen the distance that separates us.--- These are the moments in which I gain the advantage and am able to lengthen the distance that seperates us.
And if I am to survive, I need to structure this meeting to my best advantage.--- If I am to survive, I need to structure this meeting to my advantage.
As I crouch silently in the darkness of the shadows, I know that I will awaken any minute now... - this is out of the blue, and just seems to drop the reader.
Overall impression- Well written, with very descriptive wording. The story builds up, and leaves the reader waiting for more. However, the story has an ending that drops the reader. Please remember tall of the suggestions are only my opinion.
Keep on writing and filling up those folders for the rest of us to read!
This poem is gripping. I can "feel" the emotion pulling at me as I read it. The child's single tear says so much more than any words could. I have to say that I love this poem. It is not a happy-go-lucky poem, but because of the way it has touched me, I love it. I would like to extend a "good job and wonderful writing" to you.
I did find two small things that seem to need to be looked at and possibly rewritten:
Our world shattered for your youthful dreams,
searching for happiness in now frozen streams - the frozen streams seems "off" with the rest of the picture. It may just be me, but I I thought I would note it. Then you could look at it and decide.
ached at all that was lost. - the 'at all' feels like is should say "for all that was lost". These are only suggestions. Of course it is ultimately up to you. Thank you for sharing your writing with the rest of us, and keep on writing!
A descriptive and clear picture is developed in the mind's eye with this short, short story. I like the way that it flows together and completes the scene. I see no errors or anything that needs to be changed.
I would not have believed prior to reading this that a story could be told in fifty-five words. This is a job well done! Congratulations on this accomplishment and thank you for sharing it with the rest of us. This was a delight to read and a learning tool as well.
I would like to say that this story is amazing. The details used made this story clear in my mind. I know that when reviewing we are supposed to give examples to show why we give the rating that we do. The entire story is the reason why, so I do not think that I need to cut ans paste the entire story here. I NEVER expected that the waife, Kaylie, had passed away. There was so much emotion and feeling.
I have to say I also learned alot in reading this story. Staying in POV is still challenging for me, but to see how you accomplished it and still able to use past conversations was a great help.
Thank you for sharing this story. It is definately a well written and exemplary piece.
This is great writing. I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated this story. The story starts and shows" him" at the stone kissing his fingertips and telling her not to forget him that he will be with her soon. And ends with his Emily doing the same; Very romantic. The combining of the girl's story and his story gives more depth and dimension to the story. It also helps to create the "view" that the reader needs to see to accept the next part of the story. I think this is very well written with excellent visualization achieved. I really see no errors with this piece. This is the second piece that I have read by you and I am again fascinated with your work!!!!
excellent poem. The view of the child of an alcoholic, i dont doubt.
I really like this poem. I had a mom that drank too DAYUM much. And those fears stay with you. You begin to feel like if youre not there then something tragic will happen, and you even begin to expect it to happen.
So overall, I like the poem. It is sad and deep. It is a life that many kids lead in this day.
Thank you for sharing it with all to read. You write wonderful poetry, about real life worryings and sad eventualities.
What I like best is that it shows the way to another world. That way may get lost to some of us, but the chance to get there is still available in our childhood dreams.
Only advice I would give and its my persona liking (so take it or not) : ) - instead of: Oh see the clouds in their disguise" using instead " Oh see the clouds in their guise."
Otherwise a fantastic, inspirational epic poem !
Thanks for sharing your writing with us and keep writing!
WOW. This is truly amazing. As I was reading this out loud my young teenager walked in and said that is a very inspiring poem by and inspiring person. and I AGREE.
I see this in my older teenagers living in this generation and there seems to be nothing I can do to stop it.
I honestly do not see anything to fix in this poem.
a good introduction. However, I believe you need to give credit for the characters and use of hogwarts, etc to J.K.Rowling. I could be wrong, but I believe that could be trademark, and copyright infringement. I would suggest maybe using this information as a resource for a story and writing one of your own, that does not include Hogwarts, etc. The idea of writing about Snapes daughter could be a great story!
a bit funny.that silly cat thinks he is in control. well he just may well be I have 3 dogs and a cat that are alot like him. They know what they want, when they want it and they do NOT like substitutions!
Tips: the fact that the cat is being "imprisoned" yet the man pet is yelling for it to get out of the roon does not make sense to me. I do not know if it is missing words, choppy word order, or maybe I just dont get it. I think that should be considered, because then at the end when the cat talks about being held hostage it would actually make sense.
thank you for sharing thsi delightful story about this cat. Like I said I identify with him, because my aninmals seem to be similar to him.
This is a great story. Very creative. Reading from the view of the ring puts a new perspective on a story. I have to say that I really enjoyed it. I can see why you won this challenge. I especially like the details of how the rings are so connected, being made of the same materials. I think the most charming though, is that the four of them belong together.
This story is appealing to me because my husband is a "soldier". He isa chinook pilot,1LT, for the army and will be deploying inJjanuary for the first time, since our marriage. He has deployed in the past as enlisted soldier, this time around he will deploy as an officer. The symbolism of the moon in the sky being time that a soldier and a wife can spend together, is something that I have heard before. I also happen to agree with it 100%. My husband has gone to 3- 6 weeks of training either in the field or tdy, and that time seems to drag. I can imagine for the soldier that time must stand still and that this is not their fault.
The "gift" that this soldier (you were) was given that night, is priceless. I thank you for writing about something so difficult to do, but including the small windows of beauty that they soldiers get..
I did notice a few grammatical errors. " He seemed madly in love with his wife and he spoke highly their children" appears to be missing " to be and of". . There are a few places with things such as that. " I”m not surprised by his question" should say" I was not surprised by his question". These things, are what I find that, could be worked on to help this paper flow better and correctly.
I love the ending! Keep the writings about soldiers coming, you will help ALOT of people. You will help more than you know, and that is a gift of the heart! Please let me know if you have written anything similar, I would LOVE to read it/them.
have you ever heard of maslow's heirarchy? read about it? it would go with what you are talking about in this. I agree that selfconfidence can be the power we use and have to take us forward in life and make something of ourselves or accomplish things. However before one can have self confidence one must reach self actualization. There are requirement for that to happen. It can not just happen because someone says so. I would encourage you to read maslow's hierarchy and apply it to what you have written. I think it will give you that last piece that you need to round it out. I would love to read it if you decide to do that and make any changes. I think for what you ahve written it is written well, and makes sense. Again I encourage you to keep going.
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Confidence" .
this is a well written short story. it is full of teenage angst in the world of today. I think we see the frustration from all those involved. We see how one is quiet and takes things slow, she does not move fast but does not equate that to her level of love. one female moves fast and is a bit more riske. She is willing be more affectionate in a sexy way in public. It seems this is her idea of how to get a man, and it doesnt matter if he is already someone elses man. Then we have a confused male teenager. he is not sure that his love loves him. She appears a bit standoffish and slow at recipricating the feelings. we see a dance that has nothing to do with the legs feet and bodies of the people involved. we are witnessing a dance as old as time. the dance of men and women , the jealousy dance, the lust dance,
the visual that is given with the wording used is amazing. you can see each second play out before your eyes. it is a sad story and one that happens alot on this world. The boy wonders how far can he go? but never really whether its right or wrong. and through the age of technology the girlfriend already knows. she is quit and handles it quickly. changes her status and then shuts off her phone. I can see all of this. i dont have any suggestions on how to better this. or anything that needs to be worked on. again i think it is a well written story.
i think this was a good article. I did not know that one could reach out like that. I will defintely use the information that you gave. The sample email is a great basis to start. I for one will add things that I like about theire site ( as you recc.) I think that will make it more personable and more of a request than a demand. Thank you for taking the time to write and publish this so that others of us will have the information for spreading the word about WdC and gaining more exposures!
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Help Us Help YOU!" .
This chapter puts alot of imagery into ones mind. The words are very descriptive and and create a clear picture. I was able to "see" each scene in my minds eye. I would suggest a spell check and if that misses the incorrect spellings, because of use or whatever the reason, that you proof for spelling mistakes. I also noticed an area in which you write about Niven and Nylee, the he/she and him/her seems to be used incorrectly making it difficult to decide which person is being written about. Overall I would say this is a fantastic start to this chapter. This is not normally the type of book that I would read, but it caught me and I am glad that I read it, and I would like to keep reading this book.
Wow. and WOW! I am SO very glad that I read this. I was amazed when I found this site recently, and thankful for all that one can do on it. I also, after just a day of use had decided that if I found myself visiting the site and using it that I would probably get a paid membership. It honestly would be one of the lessor ones because that is all that I would need for quite awhile. I was not sure if I would need to upgrade but thought it is a way to help support the site. I know its costly to run a business. I have no problems with the ads either, having a free account. I have done some reviews and started feeling my way around and someone gifted me a three month paid membership! The piece that you wrote includes so much that is free. I had not even realized how much is given for free. The take, take, take and gimme gimme gimme of the younger ones these days is overboard. I commend you for standing up and taking a stand. I personally do not see anything to change. Now that may be because I am so awed or because you are a wonderful writer, I am convinced it is the latter.
This was wekk written in the descriptions of the assignment of Love. We see a play of emotions and see love turn to jealousy. From Jealousy to death. Love becomes death in an instant, decided by the lack of a smile. A sacrifice unwelcomed and not accepted.
The opening and beginning do not appear to "go" with the story much, upon the initial read. Once you have read it and have an idea of what the story says and portrays it makes a bit more sense. It is a bit difficult deciding or differentiating who the "main" character is.
However, I DID enjoy this story. It is a delicate balance of love jealousy death and passing over ( ie Death itself).
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "