Ooo yes. I like the how society is seen as if it is a load of decaying beings, thast stench that morgues have. The empty, mindless behaviour that seems to be increasing won't allow for society to ''bear the bureden of it's sins''. It can't now, from what I see from society, its collapsing, and probably doesnt even realise it cos there is nowhere to go.
The last part reminds me of looking out the window of a plane when you're up in the air. Everything is small and like like miniature. It seems a mixturew of excitement about travelling with the experience of taking off and how it's almost madness that this huge heavy object is gliding through the sky and staying up there.
This would make a brilliant beginning to a story, or part of a story.
oooohh, '' ...all life's goodies are best before end.'' is a brilliant line, it reminds me of enjoying life, and all the joys it can bring do come along before it ends. ''... when it all comes to ripen, grab a basket my friend...'' conjures up feelings of when youre born you start gathering or collecting experiences (life experierence). All those you ultinately put in a 'basket' to hold til the end, but even in death when you have the 'life review' whats in the basket can be looked at, judged and reviewed.
oooohhh I look forward to reading more, keep writing.
HAhaaa '' I pity the fool'' aw cool, the A Team was a huge part of my life, I loved watching it. I love the bit at the end where Jason asks if the dog can have a piece. I enjoyed reading this as it was heartwarming , and not too long. I found it interesting and relatable too. I liked how it was spaced out as it was easy to read looking at it on my screen. Keep writing, I'm wondering what ither stories you have now?
lovely story, Im glad he enjoyed his birthday.
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