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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dragonlord66
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Public Reviews
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Rated: E | (4.0)
Looks like a good introduction to the characters in your story, however I can't judge much on the plot as it has yet to be introduced. You have a few spelling/grammar errors, I'll list the one's I've found below. The initial conversation could also be tagged a little better as it's not clear who's talking or that the bell actually went off rather than someone saying ring. A common way of highlighting background sounds that I've seen before is to include it in asterisks (*Ring!*) rather than speech marks.

The conversation flows well and conveys the change in scenery as well.

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Found errors.

Rene but every one calls her black widow she on are team – are should be our
I was wondering if you talked to Black Widow in a wile – wile should be while
You have some dried droll on – droll should be drool
night mare – one word nightmare
“Its to early for this.” My mom yelled – should be It’s as it’s the contraction of It is.
“Hi Serrony!” Yelled Kylie. Kyle’s little sister. – Should be Kyles as it’s indicating possession…
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