A very nice little song you've written here. Good message and good rhyme scheme. I'll point out that it's a tad repetitive.
You haven't a bad voice either, though I eventually stopped listening and read through the lyrics. Perhaps you could try making it more ranged melodically, but as you say, it wasn't meant to be a performance. Just a suggestion. =)
This is quite hilarious! Very original material here, and the story was delivered well. It really makes me wish there was more to read!
I will point out that your grammar and punctuation could use a bit of work. I understood most of it without trouble, but it was nonetheless a bit of a hassle at a couple parts.
I was laughing through the entire story. I thought that the ending was pretty lame compared to the rest of the story, but hey, endings are hard. Keep writing!
(and if YOU want a good laugh you should read my parody, Dudley Dursley and Sorceror's Stone,)
Thanks for the laughs.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dragonblooded
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.11 seconds at 8:06pm on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.