A very nice little song you've written here. Good message and good rhyme scheme. I'll point out that it's a tad repetitive.
You haven't a bad voice either, though I eventually stopped listening and read through the lyrics. Perhaps you could try making it more ranged melodically, but as you say, it wasn't meant to be a performance. Just a suggestion. =)
This is quite hilarious! Very original material here, and the story was delivered well. It really makes me wish there was more to read!
I will point out that your grammar and punctuation could use a bit of work. I understood most of it without trouble, but it was nonetheless a bit of a hassle at a couple parts.
I was laughing through the entire story. I thought that the ending was pretty lame compared to the rest of the story, but hey, endings are hard. Keep writing!
(and if YOU want a good laugh you should read my parody, Dudley Dursley and Sorceror's Stone,)
Thanks for the laughs.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dragonblooded
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 8:29am on Dec 26, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
