Why don't you begin with you drifting off in the chair with the cat next to the window as the rain tapped at the window and phase into your intro to your future husband, giving us some details that lead up to the marriage, then have the cat wake you momentarily as in your second dream you enlighten us on his passing. Those are the strongest points for your story. Eliminate some of the personal details on you, and after the second dream you are awakened from, smooth out you thoughts and feelings--like: moving blindly through the house, not realizing you made coffee, focusing on the cat.seeking comfort............subtle hints that flow, and have the ringing phone snap you back, your mother encouraging you to move on................
I see you expounding on this philosophy with your journey, because to reach that level of nirvana you have to experience all things to know the difference. Catholics call them Saints, Tibetans call them Monks, Christians call them Angels.......... I am curious as to what brought you to this higher level of thinking.
Altea City: specify which branch Donya is affiliated with to add intrigue to her dual role. Second paragraph the use of home is redundant--used three times. Rephrase like; her desire for the finer things reflected in her lifestyle.....describing the high points of her Victorian home.
It would add to the story if you expounded on Donya's purpose and position and her ties to Keith, adding a sub-plot to the inner workings of Altea.
An avatar is a strong character. You should play on that.
Having the dilapidated craft stall in space with the two main characters; Keith and Lance, would add interest as well. One is determined and the other is sort of a free spirit. Another sub-plot. You get to know the characters. Perfect time to discuss Allure and her relationship to the story.
Tighten the sentence structures; 'a fire burned behind his ebony eyes' eliminates the redundancies and sharpens the structure in chapter 1. You have a great story going here.
I just recently joined again but I am giving you 100 GP's because I think your story has great potential. Very futuristic.
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