There are grammar errors in most and possibly all chapters. The story is okay and if it had more than 10 chapters I would still be reading it. Now the bad things. The fights among robots should be better written. Like this they are too simplified. The dialogues beetween characters are a bit naive,simple and so is their behaviour and their thoughts and feelings. I am not sure how to best describe what is missing. I will say that it needs more roughness, a better description of the brutality of war. It needs to feel like it`s more "real-life". Maybe you should watch or read some science fiction and then implement some of the things in it into your book. And now I will go check your portfolio for other stories because I am basicaly satisfied with what I read.
With each chapter the story gets better. In this one you wrote ˝He briefly faced Tech one more.¨ It should be "once more". Am I annoying you with my corections? And sorry for bringing down your ratings,but I have a strict rating system. 3-okay, 3.5-good, 4-very good, 4.5-excellent and 5-AMAZING. So far the best rating I gave is 3.5!
So far this is okay and I will read the next chapter too, and maybe even all of them.You wrote ˝He titled the controls back and the Komodo shot strait up in the air.˝I think it should be ˝tilted the controls back and the Komodo shot straight up in the air.˝ Minor spelling errors.
I intend to write a sci-fi,action-adventure,comedy novel and in trying to do so I will look to your work as the best I have read so far on this site. I'm giving you a three point five because I have a strict rating system. I gave over thirty ratings and I think this is the third one which gets three point five which is so far the highest rating I gave. You are good. You could write for a living and not starve because of doing that.
To be honest I am writing this mainly to get gift points. There are only two larger mistakes in your story. First-- Fred decides to make a hole in the wall way to easily. Second--It ends with him moving out of the apartment and I already read a few story's with the same scenario.
Currently I am smoking cigarettes and trying to quit for the third and most likely last time. I stopped twice but I ended up in psychiatric hospital and started again. That too is an addiction. I liked your story and will give it a three which in my rating system is the first good grade. I have no big complaints but I think you should add more details from yours and Donnie's addiction days and also something about Donnie's second wife.
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