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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dncstevens
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2 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review by dncstevens Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (2.5)
I was thinking you might have a few other presidents in here that were very unpopular at the end of their terms. Lyndon B. Johnson, Jimmy Carter, Andrew Johnson, Ulysses S. Grant are examples that jump to mind. Why did you avoid these clods? Also, I have no qualms about the presidents you listed. They are all pretty unpopular too. I just wondered about the omission. I was just wondering: are you just trying to show that W. is unpopular? I ask because CBS, ABC and NBC do enough polling on this subject to choke a horse: and we are all aware that W. has been maligned in the press enough for people to think negatively of him. It is no surprise at all then to find him topping your list, is it? Why not include Satan, the entire KKK, Hitler and every Nazi to wear a uniform and Nikita Kruschev. I think W. would still top the list, don't you?
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Review by dncstevens Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
Your excellent title attracted me to the article. Your grammar and mechanics are lacking enough to distract the reader. Check a grammar book like On Writing Well or The Transitive Vampire to smooth those out and the ideas won't get lost in it. Your content is interesting, but often your meaning is missed on your audience (well, this audience of me anyway) because you don't follow up on what is potentially an intriguing point. For example, you say "religion is not the eight letter word people make it out to be." This is pithy, but you don't follow it up with what the people are making it out to be and what it really is. In your next paragraph, you begin with a shout-out to change Christian Fundamentalism (a weighty matter indeed!) but you don't define fundamentalist ideology (except to incorrectly claim that abortion is "forever legalized") or how we should change fundamentalism or even what we should change fundamentalism to. You clearly have a fertile mind and a great bunch of ideas here, but you need to develop them more so that your reader can come away from the article with an answer to your intrguing title--how do we take the "mental out of fundamentalism?" Keep editing this because it has great potential.
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