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129 Public Reviews Given
291 Total Reviews Given
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1
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!

I like the way it rihymes and I believe that this should be read by everyone....sometimes we need that boost of hope to get by!!
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
2
2
Review of Butterflies Die  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!

I like this piece. But one thing that I didnt get is how a butterflies die, maybe you could stress that some in there, but other than that it was pretty good. One verse that struck me was the last two lines of the the second verse I believe.
He wonders if he's born to live
His rage inside just won't forgive

Looking through his troubled eyes
You can see how a butterfly dies
As he tears apart one fragile wing
His heart, inside, can't feel a thing


That really touched me!
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
3
3
Review of When I Die  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!

This was really nice, I have something simular to this in my portfolio, but although I think it goes to deep for anyone on here to actually sit down and read. Although you lost me at when you get to close to someone, then you lose a big part of yourself. This is what I call a transcedentalistic piece. Im not sure if you know what that means. But if you dont, you can alwyas google it or ask me. But I really like this piece alot, it makes you think, something that I like to do.
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
4
4
Review of Bye Cruel Love  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE ONDT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!

I love this!!! It has great imagery and emotion to it.....one thing I would lose is the periods in the end of the last line, it makes it look choppy. But very nice piece though!! The character is suicidal when she gets her heart broken. So many times people feel that way whcih makes this so much relatable. Very nice!!
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
5
5
Review of Lullaby  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPNIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED, BECUASE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!

I like it. Its something different to be read. I love how you end each stanza with "Shall sing its lullaby". Evene though its a short poem, it has very powerful words and story line to it. NICE!!
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!
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6
Review of End of the road  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (2.5)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!

UUUH...you said that you wanted to give this to your school. Not like this you cant. And with that I hope you can take critisism very well. Your poem is a bit choopy, doesnt flow as well as you might have liked. The lines are a bit long, might as well be story. But it really doesnt tell of your memories and experiences. Make it funny, touching and even sort of sad. Put more emtion to it, it seemed as if you were in a rush a didnt really think about it. Shorten the poem down, you know what erase it, and tell them what highschool really was about. Put more emotion to it and im sure when that time of inspiration comes and when you really get the feeling of those highschool memories, youll know and it would flow so well.
`kat`
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
7
7
Review of I Know  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEE; OFFENDED BECUASE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!

NICE!! I really like this. It flows so well and it also rhyms!! I love the love story very sad but touch, and when you read it slow it sounds so graceful and well thought!! I honestly love it! keep up the good work.
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
8
8
Review of Release  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIOVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DON'T FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!

This first stanza has so much imagery I love it. I like the poem alot and you provife alot of details.
But something in this poem is missing I don't really know what....I think you need to provide more datils as to why you feel this way..
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
9
9
Review of Numb  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPNIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE ODN'T FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!

I'm not sure what you mean by feeling numb....Why are you feeling numb? And tell us what is it that your going through that makes you feel numb.
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITNG!!
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10
10
Review of Mystery Lover  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIIVNG YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DON'T FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYNG TO HELP!!!

HMMMMMMM......You use the same word over and over again which makes the poem a little dull and boring....Try taking out the "The's" and you also have a lack of puctuation. But other than it was good and really pretty. It also makes me wonder who he is and how does he touch you and how he makes you feel good...I like!!
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!
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Review of Icy blue eyes  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DON'T FEEL OFFENDED, BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!!

I LOOOOOOOOVE THIS!!!
First off this has alot of emotion to it, but before I get into all the goods I want to point out one thing that you lack. Puctuation. Don't worry that is something everyone went through as a writer. If you fix the punctuation I could gurantee you a badge. I really love the ending I can't stop saying how this is such a great piece. So just message me when you make that one correction.
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!!
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12
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Review of I Dreamt of You  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DON'T FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!

I personally feel you on this one. I felt the same way about this guy who liked me back but there were certain reasons why we didn't get together because we were good friends and didn't want to ruin anyting. Although I wanted to be with him it just didn't happen. This is a very short poem but hs alot of emotion to it. so nice job on this one I like it alot!
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!
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13
13
Review of My Mind's Recess  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DON'T FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!!

You have a lack of punctuation which makes me read it to fast. You also say "deep within the recess of my mind" alot. You begin and end with it and it makes the poem a litlle boring and dull.
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!
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14
14
Review of Until My Release  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DON'T FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!

This has so much sad emotion to it. The character is grieving and all throughout the poem it makes the reader sad knowing that the character feels like she has no hope. But as a relation to life I've once been mentally ill and know exactly what you talking about!! I felt just like this and felt that I would never be happy. But sometimes you have to be optimistic and try to find that happiness somehow. Great piece and it was very nicely written!!!
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!
 Un Milione di Baci~ Chapter Three Open in new Window. ()
Inventing Melody from Melania at the House.
#1303005 by Michelle Jeanette Author IconMail Icon
15
15
Review of Floating  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.5)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE ODN'T FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!!

This is a nice piece and it ryhmes very well. You also have good imagery and I can see everything you say and describe.
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
16
16
Review of My Past  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: ASR | (4.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DON'T FEEL OFFENDED, BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!

I LOVE IT!!!
You have great imagery in it and it plays out so well in my head when I read it. But you do have a lack of punctuation which can make the reader read it to fastly. Other than that its very good.
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!! (literally) :))
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
17
17
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DON'T FEEL OFFENDED, BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!!

You have a lack of punctuation which is something that needs to be fixed. But overall I really like this!! Although it is very short, it's a good song. Th character is looking for something but doesn't know what!! NICE!!
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
18
18
Review of Six Feet  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONYL TRYING TO HELP!!!

UUUUH...wow.
This poem really has no sense to it. I'm not sure as to why you bashed her head into the concrete?? But this would make a good story rather than a poem.
19
19
Review of Destined To Die  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!

WOW!!
That is all I can say....but I can really relate to you on this one, I really can. I was depressed severly for about 9 months straight and felt just like this at one point when I really wanted to die but it seemed as if god wouldn't let me. I tried popping pills and cutting because I really wanted to go. Sad stuff but I love it. Has great emotion in it that I can feel. NICE JOB!!
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
20
20
Review of Soul Eater  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!

NICE!!!!
This poem is very strong and it speaks so well to me. It lets the reader know how the author feels. It almost made me want to cry a little. And the way you describe it...wow. Really nice read best ones yet (no kidding). But however you have a lack of punctuation and that is all. But very nice though. I love it!!!
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
21
21
Review of My teacher  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!

MAN!! I feeel the same way about math an this is really nice because you have great imagery and you describe everything so well!!! But you can make the second from the last sentence another one because it makes it look choppy and it woildn't flow as well.
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
22
22
Review of Spiraling  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!

I REALLY LIKE THIS!!!
It is an awesome piece but will be even better is if you tell us what wasn't enough and what sent you spiraling. Even though it is a short piece it has alot of emotion to it. NICE JOB!!
good job and keep writing!!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
23
23
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (5.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AMA WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!

NICE!! I also wonder about the same thing too. But one thing I do suggest is that you break it into stanzas so that it wont be so crowded and close together. Other than that this is an awesome piece!!!
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
24
24
Review of LIFE  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (3.5)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM AWRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU MY HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!

AAAH!! the capital letters honey has to go. You also have a lack of punctuation which makes it choppy. try to write something that has an understanding message because even though you told us what it was about, I still didn't get what you were saying. Other than that it was good.
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
25
25
Review of left  Open in new Window.
Review by dena Author IconMail Icon
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Rated: E | (4.0)
JUST LIKE YOU I AM A WRITER AND I AM GIVING YOU HONEST OPINIONS TO MAKE YOU A BETTER WRITER. SO PLEASE DONT FEEL OFFFENDED BECAUSE I AM ONLY TRYING TO HELP!!!

Nice description and it has good imagery to it almost like I'm in it!!
But I thought it was confusing, I didn't get what you were talking about and you have a lack of punctuation. But over all you should make this piece more desciptive and explain more of what your talking about.
GOOD JOB AND KEEP WRITING!!!
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#1300305 by Maryann Author IconMail Icon
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