O k, I'm going to be very honest with you, this story has promise. It also has a lot of run on sentences and some spelling mistakes. I couldn't read it like that so I grabbed a sheet of paper and made corrections as I went along. Some were simple mistakes and some words I took out or rearranged in a different way. I don't know how I can get the changes to you, I'm still very new here. I guess you could email me and I will send them back to you. The way I counted it, your story has 62 lines in it and these are all the lines that need changing or correction in some kind of way. Lines: 2, 3, 11, 12, 13, 14, 16, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 25, 26, 27, 28, 44, 46, 48, 52, 61, 62. Now I counted every line, even if it was really short. If you want the specifics of what each line contained please email me. This is more like what someone would do if they had proofread your work before posting it. I will say don't be discouraged, you did really well with the dialog part. The talking back and forth between Wisdom and Matt was very good. This was a good beginning, it just needs to be polished up a bit. Please review my story too, I only have one posted. Thanks for writing. |
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