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Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/davoa
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10 Public Reviews Given
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Public Reviews
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Review of A Doves Plea  Open in new Window.
Review by Dave Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hiya!

This piece is very beautiful and emotive. I could feel the longing for the one that is desired, it comes out very well throughout the whole piece :).

I just had a problem with the flow, that was all. Sometimes we can make a rhythem in our head and it seems to fit perfectly, but we forget others can not hear this and get lost in the reading :)

I love it how you have highlighted certain words. It brings them out and catches the eye, adding emphasis. Loved it!

And just to make this clear, these words I type are only my own opinion. It would be great to hear back for reasoning behind anything you think you need to explain. :)

Thank you for this, and I hope that you start writing some more again! Ideas are limitless, and if you say you have no time, who needs sleep! :D

Keep writing :D

~Dave
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Review of When It Rains  Open in new Window.
Review by Dave Author IconMail Icon
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very good, creative and easy to read :)

I really felt the impression of being cleansed from things of the past, and I particularly like the "It's Music will muffle all your fears of tommorrow" Great imagery

Just needs a little work on the presentation. Different font size might help make it look more appealing and easier to read

Also, have you considered changing the word "him" to something like "them", just so it can apply to both genders.

But other than that, it was great :)

Keen to see more!
~Dave
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3
Review by Dave Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Wow.

It's really moving. I love the questioning, the uncertainty. And it flows beautifully

But some spacing is required. Is this a poem? Or just a story that happens to rhyme really well?

Also, perhaps a bigger size as well, there are older readers on the site :) (or so I'm told)

But it's a very confronting piece, and I hope you write more.

Oh and if you can let me know if this helped at all, that would be great :) I'm only new at this, all this.

More!
~Dave
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