The poem is good! My favorite line is "The stench of trees" and "Distend my heart to taste the sky." Kay, those are two lines, but nonetheless good ones!
Now then, i rarely question poetry, mostly because I just write scraps of stuff and because of my literature teacher who made be observe the symbolism of every punctuation mark . So when i read your poem, as with any other, I'm spooked out on how to rate it. So I'll just shoot it out...
The first thing that bothered me that had me rereading the line again and again was "The dark that keeps the pail moonlight." Like Swiss-cow pail, or pale-faced pale? ("Chorous" is spelled "Chorus" I believe). One other thing to help the poem flow easier and to help it loll off the tongue would be if you purged some of your commas. There's a comma in the middle of almost every line, jailing sentences that don't need to be separated.
But the poem is lovely, and your imagery leaves none to be desired. The words are sunning and beautiful, conveying a deep emotional wilting, rage, love, bewilderment and hope.
This story is soooooooo awesome!!! I rarely read things on this site that is that long, but by golly! This one had me captivated! I clap heartily for you...
Before i go off to fix this burning contact in my eye, i just gotta tell you; I found no mistakes in here, then again, grammar was never my forte. The story line progressed beautifully, and the characters, though not realistic - much - were superb.
I wonder how it will continue...
I gotta say, VERY well written!
One line, "Get to fuck out here boy." I think you meant "the" . Also, one other thing: I didn't really get the age of Macon. I first saw him a teenager, then much younger when he used the word "mommy," then i got confused later on in the story I'm easily confused.
Other that these, it was ohmygosh! good. *Taps fingers to imaginary music and sings* Wriiiiiiite onnn!
Airila, Happy Valentines!
From Me to you, Friends of CSFS!
... Is it just me, or is this a reeeeally weird story to be doing a Valentine raid on? hehe
Oh! Oh! I just love the twist of this story! Really very good!!
... Got some things to say, though *grins*. The title is pretty much just right, the first two parts and the last, excellent. However, the middle...
I'm guessing it's not supposed to be solemn, or frantic, and it covers that well. But the language seems somehow inferior to the rest of the story. Even though it's more or less a summery of her "life," it get's a bit boring. Gahhh... not saying this right. Hmm... read it out-loud.
I usually read my works out loud... get some advice, then read it all over again. I was looking over some of the things i wrote half a year ago and genuinely cringed. Time helps with the reviewing as well.
I don't wonder if i didn't help much, but i loved the way this story went.
oooooo.... it's soooo nice, and so tragically sad.
I really like the way the title matches... mystically... to the content, it's really a nice story... hehe...
I really like the way you describe some things. You describe in a different way than most would... awesome!
Very nice!!! I like your picture for this group!
What a very interesting idea for a group... artistic, in a way. I don't write about talking animals... not anymore (heehee)... but i love talking about my characters. This is a great group! Be proud of it! (i'll bet you already are) *wink wink*
Very interesting!!
Who's POV is it? In the beginning it seems to be Daegarun, later it's Orlen.
I'd really like to read the next chapter. Power to you!
Airila
I love this story!!!
I found this story riveting. Although the beginning started slow, it ended up being perfect for the rest of the chapter. I WILL read the next one. What's falchions?
WRTE ON!!! Please.
Airila
Cool! I like this. It's dark, sinister, and nasty - just the sort of thing a person can ride eloquent on. And I like it because it's short, like the end of a nightmare... or the beginning... mwahahaha...
It's also curious.
Good job, Kraynak!
Airila.
This is really great for a song. I don't recall there ever being a song about a werewolf. Have you put music to it? Aww, man, I would love to hear it. Just reading it and i was already singing this part, and warbling out that part. It's really good. I'd say you have a talent, but you already know that, don't you? You should.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/dassiuna
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.13 seconds at 2:57am on Nov 22, 2024 via server WEBX2.
| (3.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
. So when i read your poem, as with any other, I'm spooked out on how to rate it. So I'll just shoot it out...
