I liked your other much better--it really brought through the mounting emotions and final release. However, I liked the surprise within this one. Sex and dinner is a very nice ironic contrast. I think it may have played better from the third person. I would also take out the last two exclamation points. The last line is a bit of a letdown in that it is not worded as well as the rest of the passage.
I think you came up with some very nice descriptive phrasing and imagery. The last lines were a nice addition to the story, bringing the reader that disappointment felt by the crowd and the young man watching the young beauty. However, there is a bit of an inconsistency with the "leather headgear denoted marital status" and the last lines. The leather headgear line is ambiguous and it took me a moment to realize that it did not indicate she was married, but that she was single.
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