LOL, That was a bit unnexpected at the end there. Anything that can make me laugh is good in my book. On a more technical note, the only flaw rhythmically in this is:
"I moved to wipe her glistening cheek
and met her lips so she could not speak."
This is a simple fix, however. Try, perhaps:
"I moved to wipe her glistening cheek
and met her lips; she could not speak"
All in all, very entertaining piece, well done.
God Bless
-JLW
This is a review for your poetry in general, I chose this poem solely because it is, of what I've read, my favorite. I will not go poem by poem because I feel you have the gift of critiquing your own work.(Having found little to count as flaw.)
Your voice is the voice of wisdom and experience. You use subtle comparisons and short rhythms to convey moral points and a sense of hope. (I noticed your Hope in the Dark Night contest, very fitting) Your use of rhyme (when you choose to employ it) is jagged, but in the poems that you have used it, it is very fitting that it is so.
All in all, quick poignant verse, high in moral content and inspiration, a modern feel,and an exceptional use of vocabulary make for exceptional poetry that I read, not to find something to review, but actually eager to see what would be next. Thank you for sharing. God Bless,
-JLW
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cyrin
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 3:53am on Nov 23, 2024 via server WEBX1.