This poem flows from beginning to end, and I think it's because you are honest and use a conversational tone to get your point across. I love the theme, also. You do a wonderful job creating it without coming right out and saying it. I think had you done that, you may have deadened the poem just a little bit. My favorite stanza was "My brother, can you tell me why / the buffalo have gone away / The open range has vanished under / man-made canyons cold and grey". It seems to be the heart of the poem and centering around the theme of lost. My least favorite stanza is the one before that. This one read like it was forced for the rhyme.
I think this poem starts off wonderfully! The very first line contains pleasant deceit. It is never a good thing to assume with any writing, but it's hard not to. I was thinking after I read that line that the poem was going to be sad. However, it really isn't. Sure, you explain why you miss your mother and haven't seen her in so long, but there's also a good bit of happiness lacing the loneliness. You use a lot of creativity to talk about missing her, in a good way, without ever implying abandonment. Even with the first line we know that she is not present in your life physically, but we don't know why.
I was a little disappointed in the ending, it felt rushed and too easy or simple. After doling out a poem as good as this one is, you really have to give a very powerful ending. I guess it isn't so bad considering it becomes more of a tribute to your mother than a miss you note.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.07 seconds at 12:35am on Dec 22, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
My review has been submitted for consideration in "