Hello, G.B. While I think I understand the gist of what you wanted to convey, there were a few things that detracted from my reading. Firstly, I'm reasonably certain that you have the tense wrong with "embolden"; I think what you meant to write was "emboldened". Secondly, maybe I'm just nitpicky, but I wasn't fond of the word "peep" in this poem; it works well enough in the first line,but beyond that, I feel like a change of terms is in order. Thirdly, you missed a coma in the line "peeping no more the sun was in charge". A minor thing, but it would help with the reading.
Technicalities aside, let's move on to my main points. I don't understand what you mean by the 2nd to the last line. Midst and rain? Finally, when I grasped the concept, of the poem, I realized that you wrote in a particularly happy manner. I'm not sure how common that is, but I found it odd. And odd gets medals in my books. Overall, the poem, while not to my tastes, was still decent, at the least.
Hi, Dan Sturn. I very much enjoyed the theme you were going for; a life of crumbling expectations and disappointment. However, I found it hard to actually enjoy reading it due to the lack of not only any rhymes, but a lack of a rhyme scheme itself. I would strongly advise you to endeavor to add rhyme in your future works.
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