I really thought this sentence was powerful. It not only described the pouch in the metal box, but it also seems to describe the secret your mother held for so many years, and how you slowly released the secrets that night looking through the metal box.: "Next, I pulled out the pouch. Lying on the table, it remained rectangular in shape from so many years encased in the box. Unfastening its drawstring, I released the contents one by one."
Also, the visual of "rectangular" with the word "encased" also brought symbolism of a coffin or grave.
The only corrective feedback I have is in the fourth to the last paragraph. I believe opened was meant to be "unopened." "That’s why it was left opened."
This story is quite an incredible continuation of your first story about the day you got your television. You have covered a lot of year in two very short stories. You do a good job capturing the attention of the reader. I really liked the opening lines. It draws focus to the metal box and to the fact that a secret it stored within.
The short stories are done well, but the material is rich enough to take it further if you ever decided to.
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cshack08
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 2:46am on Nov 14, 2024 via server WEBX2.