The subject of analyzing artists is a tough one. Artists are a very complex and diverse set of people.
On the structure of your poem: it seemed very simple. Not much risk was taken. It wasn't bad, but it felt very juvenile to me.
The word choice was my biggest issue. Broadening your word pallet would do you very well in your writing. A lot of the rhymes here seemed almost cliche because of the simple, like rhyming "see" and "me" in the last stanza.
On the subject of the cliche, in the end of you second stanza you write: "sometimes it's like heaven/ sometimes it's like hell". This expression of contradiction is a bit overused now, and felt like it'd be in a pop song.
With all of my negatives out of the way, I must say I can relate with the first stanza, and I do like some of the ideas about creating that you brought up, like the give and take relationship with art and the artist.
In summation, your ideas are pretty solid, just work on the packaging a bit and you're set!
Very interesting choice in narrator for this poem. Not many people would choose a bus driver as the point of veiw for a poem about school, and I thought that was neat.
The way the poem is broken up, is sort of choppy at times, which would have been ok if the choppiness was for the sake of rhym or a rhythm, but I just didn't feel it.
Grammar seems fine, but in the line that says "like blurs in cotton tees, as if the real" i think you meant "reel" like a string of film.
Some of the imagery needs fleshing out a bit, it seemed like some of it had potential to give some insight into some metaphors, but I tih nk you may have moved on too fast.
Overall, not bad. It kept me interested all the way through.
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.06 seconds at 11:03am on Nov 08, 2024 via server WEBX1.