I liked the story. The dialogue was very nice and cute!
I'd just like to say a few things concerning cosmetics and the such. You used the symbol '&' in place of and, which only is really used in proper nouns and stuff. It's not used to replace 'and' in every single instance. Also, you didn't indent, which made it a little hard to read.
There was only 1 consistency error I found. When comparing Monica's father to Monica, you said that her hair was blonde, but then later said her hair was black.
But as far as the actual story went, I enjoyed it quite a lot! The dialogue between the characters was very cute and the characters were pretty consistent in their personalities. I hope you wright more!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/coolgab1219
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 5:43am on Dec 23, 2024 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
