Wow...it was like I was in a trance as I read this. I really like the repetition, it gives the writing such an intense emotion. I love the desperation in this piece...and I'm not just trying to butter you up, I really did like this. =) It would be really cool if you would format it like a free verse poem instead of in paragraphs. I don't really know "rules" or anything like that, I just think it would be cool.
I enjoyed reading this. It seems like a nice, easy going story so far.Maybe you'll keep it that way, or throw in a killer plot twist...either way I like it. There are some grammar mistakes...things like changing the tense of your verbs, and some awkward sentences. You have really good description, but keep in mind that it isn't necessary to describe every single thing. Description is important, but sometimes too much of it can be a little wordy and boring. Over all it's pretty good! Keep writing =)
I really like the feel to this poem. It's haunting and eerie, but almost peaceful at the same time. I like the form that you wrote it in too...especially the end. The way the end slowly trails off leaves the reader with lots to think about. I love the imagination in this. Very nice writing!!
Printed from https://writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cookiemonster5
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.08 seconds at 11:57pm on Nov 21, 2024 via server WEBX1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
