Your story has a lot of potential. The mix-up of writing and poems stanzas is good. I think this piece can be better. Here are some suggestions:
1) You can use certain words from the poem lines to connect it with your elaboration. It creates a rhyming pattern and helps the reader read smoothly.
2) I think you can add a little bit of details to tie the whole plot together. Like one part of the story describing that dying becomes a living wish can lead to an argument of some sort.
3) Don't overuse the comma. Short sentences can create direct effects to the reader.
4) Last but not least, keep up the great work.
That is my review of your writing. I hope you enjoyed!
Overall, your story have a suspense and a mysterious scenery. This story is about a guy going for a holiday with his buddy, B., and it ended up with much horror. I would say this story is good. Here are some suggestions that I would like to recommend to you:
1. The introduction is not bad for a start. I think you should describe a little about the atmosphere around the cottage.
2. The part when the whole climax began was not described well. I think you should add more details in telling about how the child appeared and how B. got away with him.
3. This story should be elaborated. You should add more details in how the guy felt and reacted when his buddy got lured away. Talk also about how the guy would chase them to find their location.
4. You can also add things like after the guy went back to the cottage, he set himself a quest to find out where his buddy will be even after many years had passed.
Here are the suggestions I had said about earlier. I hoped you enjoyed!
Overall, your story has potential to be a good story. This story is about a child stating his/her experiences while having fun. Here are some suggestions I would like to recommend:
1. The story's paragraphing is a little untidy. I think you should arrange all these sentences in a more formal manner.
2. The story should be elaborated. You can say, for instance, the child would wander a little more into the woods and meet some friends along the way.
3. Your ability in using short sentences adds impact to the readers. Try to use some complex sentences to express your ideas more thoroughly.
These are the suggestions I said earlier. I hoped you enjoyed!
This story is good. A man who used to be a car salesman had elected himself as a politician. Here are some of my suggestions that I would like to recommend:
1.I do think that the politician should not be dead too early. His success was wonderful but should not be ended too quickly. The assassination should be more upbeat for instance, the assassin would collaborate and plan the ambush by sudden.
2. You should explain more on how he got his achievement in politics and how happy he was.
3. i think you should let Robert Weston give a speech on his views and mission towards the country. And after that, you can describe how he will meet his eleventh hour.
Here are my suggestions for you. I hoped you enjoyed!
I would like to tell that this story is good. A nurse works in a night shift of a hospital and she found to be bounded with a deceased spirit. Here, I would like to give you some suggestions:
1. I think you should describe how that evil man first got admitted to the hospital and when the chaos started.
2. The cracks that you had mentioned is not clear. Where does the crack start from? And where did it end?
3. The deceased man should be described more about his case. For example, talk about the identity of that man and how is he murdered.
4. I think you should add some effects to make your story more interesting. You can add some details about how the man moans and attracts Emely's attention.
5. Elaborate your story.
Here are my suggestions for you. I hoped you enjoyed!
Your story has a good idea and my overall impression on this piece is good. A sharpshooter prepares and waited for Devin to give instruction
. Here are some of my suggestions for you:
1. You should elaborate the story from the start where Devin and the sniper shooter discusses and organizes their platoons.
2. Devin should not reply gently when he say fire. The dialog should kinda be like "Fire!"
3. Describe the information more about the One seven enemy. State like how this guy got related in crimes and also state his crimes.
4. The story should be more descriptive. Explain how the actions are done so the readers can understand.
5. Describe more about the settings. The readers will not understand if the places are not direct and unclear.
6. As the sniper shooter said "Looks like we win again", the readers would like to know about the past enemies that had been killed.
I would like to say that this story is okay but it does not have an ending. The red riding hood girl/Rose went to her granny house and found the bad wolf. Here, I would like to give you some suggestions:
1. This story should be elaborated until the end where the wolf will be punished or al least found out by the granny or Rose's dad. The story is incomplete.
2. The explanation on this story should be eliminated. If you give your thoughts on it (obviously), the readers will get uninterested with your story. One of the effective writing technique is"Show do not Tell"
3.The characters of the story are not well explained. Give a little more detail about their lives so that the readers can understand them.
4. The explanatory part of the 'little girl' should not be overrated. A little information will do just fine.
5. Describe more about how the wolf came out to the girl and how the girl reacts as it is impossible for someone to be calm, facing a mad wolf.
6. As a writer, you actually decide your stories yourself. There should not be any interference where you tell the reader that they can choose between a single parent. If you would like to let your readers decide something, do it beforehand; like asking them before you write your story down.
Here are my suggestions for you. I hoped you enjoyed!
I would say that this story is actually good. It is about a man trying to talk about his stress problem and the doctor left for an important conference. I would also like to give some of my suggestions to you:
1. Your story is kind of out of the track. When your story is all about the man talking about his problems suddenly got interested with the doctor's room. It would be better if you revise it.
2. Do not use too much adverbs. They only describe general things but do not specify on their meaning. So it would be better if you use descriptive verbs.
3. There should be more dialogs between the doctor and the man. He story should emphasize more on explaining the situation.
This story is interesting and good. The old man explains his experiences through his 1000 years lifetime. Here, I would like to give you some suggestions:
1. This story can be elaborated from the man's childhood.
2. If this piece is written as a poem, it may fit nicely.
3. Explain a little bit about the pain went by the old man.
I would like to say that this story is good and yet sentimental. Losing someone is indeed a cut in your heart. I would also like to give you some suggestions:
1. I think this piece should be written in poem form. Because it explained thoughts and feelings in short usage of words.
2. If you would like to make it a short story, you can elaborate your thoughts from a scene where you lost your loved one,
This story is kind of too short for a fable to fit in. Yes, I had seen that you wrote a brief explanation which tells this is your first try. It is okay. Keep up the good work. Before I go, I would like to offer some suggestions for you:
1. The story would run smooth if you can elaborate the story.
2. Describe more details about Bernacle's psychopathic attitude towards others and also how they are suffering from it.
3. Every bad guys should have a lesson! So, by elaborating how God punishes Barnacle can show the readers a moral lesson
My overall impression is okay and this story has an interesting idea. It seems that this story only has one scene about Reginald Parsley's coffin buried and his wife is there. Here are some suggestions that I can encourage:
1. Elaborate the story more as this scene can only explain the beginning of a story.
2. Explain how his wife came about and when this whole thing occurred.
3. Use more verbs
4. Tell more to the readers how deep their love is and their love story.
Here are my suggestions for you. I hoped you enjoyed!
I think the story was actually meaningful. The girl waited for opportunities to occur instead of making them happen. She then changed her mind and take the first step. This summary has a good idea.
Now, what I would like to suggest will be that these ideas should be elaborated and written as a poem. Here are also some suggestions for you to consider:
1.The philosophical reasoning of the girl discouragement will be better read if it is a poem.
2. Explain further about how the girl takes the first step to start. You can add some inspirational quotes or phenomenon that gave her the courage.
3.Elaborate the story.
4.Tell the readers more about the guy she likes :)
Here it is the suggestions. I hoped these will help you.
I can see that your story is about a sister's grief and regret of her brother mistakes. Your details were okay and good. But your story is lacking of some viewpoints. I have some suggestions for you:
1.The story should start from a viewpoint like how Susan and Kevin got together when they are young.
2.Write why Kevin would do such a crime and when and how he came up with the idea of doing it.
3.Explain more about your characters. The audience will like to know about them.
4.How your story begin is : it had to be her brother and continued to the interrogation room. You can change the viewpoint from this to explaining how is their relationship when they are together in childhood times.
5.Kevin's dialogue : Hello sister is not normal for a man suffering a merciless punishment. You can also add some ellipsis. For example, "S..S..Sis..". This would show the effect of the punishment that caused Susan to be sad.
Here it is. I hope these suggestions may help you in future and you story. Keep up the good work !
Your story is good but the plot is too many to be explained in this little summary. Why would a man mumble that he is dying when he gave the letter to his dead friend? I do not mean to discourage you. Well,here are some suggestions that I would like to recommend:
1.Elaborate the story from start where the writer knows about the condition of his dying friend.
2.The writer should have a transport to reach the cemetery. Not every man can walk that far.
3.Do not squeeze in so many ideas in a short paragraph. Try to lengthen the story.
4.State when does the writer thought about writing a letter to his dead friend.
5.Write about the biography of the writer and his dead friend.
6.Enrich your vocabulary
This piece might need some revisions and polishing. Here,I wish you good luck and keep up the good work !
Your presentations on rain drop is a good one. How you describe a little droplet that got away without knowing what happened to itself is great. Besides that,you are quite good at relating nature of a little droplet with us humans. I can tell overall this story is good. I do have some suggestions for you:
1.Elaborate the life of the little droplet when it reach the end of its life.
2.You can add like how was the little's droplet life when it was in the clouds with its family.
3.You can also describe the little droplet's fear when it drips down from the roof.
4.Or describe how the little droplet met other droplets when it reach the bowl.
There you have it. Here I wish you good luck and keep up the good work !
Hello,Vert51
Your story is great and you also had good ideas to be presented.The problem here is that your ideas are not arranged well. It is a little bit mind twisting because some parts I do not really understand it well. This story will be better if you can elaborate it a little longer so the story will be more interesting. What I suggest is,you can:
1.Elaborate the story
2.Arrange your plot in a way that the audience can understand easier.
3.Use some richer vocabulary
There is also some grammar mistakes. Just try to revise and edit your work more often.
I can see your story that you are trying to show. Keep up the good work.
SINCERE,
Conwritedd
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